+ “But you’re not really a ___” Xenogenders Explained by Em +

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+ “But you’re not really a ___” Xenogenders Explained by Em + We’ve probably all heard the discourse. Are xenogenders real genders? Are they mocking trans people? BUT YOU CAN’T BE (xenogender) YOU’RE A HUMAN Just hear me out, okay? There’ll be a summary in the notes and credits if you don’t feel like reading everything but please just hear me out 1. What’s a xenogender a. What’s gender 2. Why? 3. Who uses these? 4. Misconceptions 5. “But I don’t get it” + What’s a xenogender + That’s a fair question to ask and it only makes sense to explain. In simplest terms, a xenogender is a gender identity that is not masculine, feminine, or neutral. It’s a gender identity tied to something else whether that be a plant, animal, or concept. Ok. I know I just lost you and that’s alright. Let’s go back to what gender is. …what’s gender? … The Trevor Project describes gender as “a social construct, an idea created by people to help categorize and explain the world around them.” Gender is a way people categorize the world and themselves. It’s a label humans made up because gender identity is not the same as physical body traits. Gender identity is how we perceive ourselves and usually it’s somewhere along the spectrum of boy —> girl Gender is complicated and there’s not just one good definition. Saying “gender is a social construct” can erase or minimize the experiences of trans folks who know that their gender isn’t what was assigned. Gender identity is an innate sense of what your gender is (usually somewhere in masc, fem, and neu) so it can’t be defined on your behalf. Gender is hard to define but gender labels are different and mean slightly different things from person to person, that’s the main thing to remember. Now xenogenders. Gender labels are often arbitrary and subjective; If you feel comfy saying “I’m a guy” or “I’m nonbinary”, that’s okay! Gender is an internal sense that only YOU can figure out for yourself and sometimes people prefer a looser boundary for what their gender can be. + Why? (And also who) + Yeah yeah I get it- not traditional gender- not masc, fem, or neu- internal label- I GET IT. But why can’t someone just stick with the normal scale? To that I say: Nobody is normal! Xenogenders have often (but not exclusively) been used by folks with autism, ADHD, and other things that influence how they perceive society and themselves. If gender is subjective and no one else can tell you what your gender is, some people (speaking from experience) get a little turned around. If traditional gender definitions don’t make a lot of sense to someone, they might make up their own. If they don’t fully understand how gender is “supposed” to feel but know that thinking about gender makes their head feel like static, maybe they call themself staticgender and leave it at that. Maybe they don’t have a specific label and just prefer to identify with Xenogender as a whole. Who are we to judge? + Misconceptions + Oh boy. Buckle up. Take a deep breath. 1. Xenogender users are chronically online teenagers . Kids can be influenced by online and maybe they’ll change their mind in a couple years but truly- WHO CARES. Let your kid/friend/partner/stranger explore their identity in peace. Kids often use trial and error to discover themselves, /especially/ as teenagers. Live and let live. 2. This is why people hate us :( My dude. You realize that a lot of xenogender users are teens. A lot of people hating on xenogender users are adults. Adults picking on kids for being kids and figuring themselves out is never good. Stand up for those who are are vulnerable, don’t join their attackers. 3. They’re cringe. Bullying is cringe. Next. 4. They’re mocking trans people. Nope! It’s not mocking trans people to identify outside traditional gender norms. A genuine identity is not mocking another identity. Being trans and using a xenogender can and often do overlap. 5. You’re a human. Ok. What’s your gender? “Well…I’m a man” You’re not a man you’re a human. “But men are human.” So are xenogender people. 6. You can only use a xenogender if you’re neurodivergent Nah. Anyone can use a xenogender if they feel it best describes them. Gatekeeping isn’t cool