Here, Have Some AI-Generated Music

Instructions

I—I didn’t write it! Leon did! I—I don’t even know how spray paint works!! Full lyrics: I went outside. That was my first mistake. Just wanted a snack, but now I’m in a political earthquake. They handed me a ribbon. It said “HOPE?” with a question mark. I nodded politely. Someone took a photo. Now I’m a meme in four languages. Hi. I’m Monty. Just Monty. Short for… Monty. I’m not supposed to be here. I mean, I am here, clearly— but I’m not supposed to be here-here. You know? ...No? Okay. I have zero experience, a mild fruit allergy, and the full support of one (1) confused pigeon. I don’t even know what my platform is. I think it’s snacks. Possibly fear. Maybe both. Valerie floats across the stage like judgment in heels. She has a laser pointer. She has binders. She has a fanbase that hisses at me like geese. I waved once. The geese did not wave back. There’s a screech. A flutter. A chaotic burst of feathers. Falco the pigeon crashes onto the mic. “VOTE FOR—wait. WAIT A MINUTE.” He stares. He squints at the banner. “‘FALCO’S A LOSER?!’” He flaps furiously. Pecks the mic. Pecks Monty. Pecks a small child’s balloon for emphasis. “I THOUGHT THIS WAS A CAMPAIGN OF HONOR!!” “I WROTE A JINGLE FOR YOU!!” Monty panics. "I—I didn’t write it! Leon did! I—I don’t even know how spray paint works!!" Falco screams. SQUAWK!!! He throws a tiny sash to the floor. (It says “Possibly On Your Side.”) He flies off. A new sign flutters behind him: “WRITE IN FALCO” Crowd gasps. Someone chants, “BIRD! BIRD! BIRD!” Monty is now polling at 4% ...in the “least likely to survive a press conference” category. Suddenly—guitar solo. Jet boots ignite. Falco Lombardi enters, slow motion only. “This isn’t Corneria… but I’ll run this town anyway.” He drops sunglasses on a baby. The baby salutes. Everyone cheers. I scream internally. The lights flicker. Cold wind. A sound like a single violin being judged. Leon fades into view. He says nothing. Spray-paints: “LEON WAS HERE, FALCO’S A LOSER” on my campaign van. Everyone applauds. Valerie looks mildly insulted. I do nothing. Leon nods. And vanishes. My tail’s in a knot. There’s glitter in my hoodie. I’m running against a spreadsheet goddess, a dramatic spacebird, and a pigeon with vengeance issues. But people are cheering. I think I might’ve won a debate by accidentally falling off the stage. The pigeon dabbed. Valerie screamed into her clipboard. And above it all… That beautiful, horrible banner flaps in the breeze— “LEON WAS HERE, FALCO’S A LOSER” I never asked for this. But I will not remove it. Monty for Bananaperson! He didn’t want this role! But now we shout his slogan loud— In spray-paint and in soul! Let Valerie have her spreadsheets, Let Falco do a flip, But Monty’s here with juice and fear— And a pigeon on his hip! Leon was here! Falco’s a loser! Vote Monty or regret everything!!