[ I TOLD YOU SO. ] a chasmecho srp no, no, no, no. NO. i thought you were different. you were supposed to be.. this isn't /fair/, it isn't fair at all! WHY, WHY, WHY?! the one time i'm happy. the one time i feel like i finally belong and that somebody could love me. i thought this was what fate had wanted. fate hates me. everything, every/one/ hates me. i killed you. its my fault. i should have just layed off. i'm just a SELFISH monster. absolute MONSTER. tears burst from my eyes, parting my fur in silvery snail tracks. my eyes sting, reddened at the corners. maybe i was supposed to be unlovable. i should just play up to the part, i was supposed to be this way. a beast, a monster, a killer. give up already. i keel over, claws sinking deep into the sand where you lay, desperate for one last hug. i didn't get another hug, just the weight of your lifeless body. i want to hear your voice one last time, your lips are parted and ready to speak. "i love you too rosie.." i mumble to the headstone, pressing my crown against its jagged surface. sobs tear themself painfully from my throat, splitting the air with blood curdling cries of my own grief. emotion so desperate to unscrew the lid of the bottle i've kept it in, i release it all. "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" i scream to the night sky, voice cracking on the words. everything hurts, it hurts so bad. my chest aches, my legs threaten to buckle. i loved her. i loved her so much. i let myself love her, i lost control. i can't love, /ever/. they'll all wind up like this. now i'm surrounded by a ring of headstones, shut in the center of the circle they form. wow. i killed all of them. "..hah..haha..hhaa.." i killed them all. every single one. "..." i /killed/ them. i am the tides. i am the shadows. i am the predator. i am the killer. i am everything i've ever feared. oh chasmkit, so pure and sweet. what will you think when you see this? i'm you. you can't change that. all i'd ever wanted was to be loved. i was a push over, servile, fiercly loving. how unfortunate.
