PROJECT FOR SUSPATCH WRITING!! EVERYTHING IS IN THIS TEXT BOX July 27, 2025- WIP Cillian Patch crept through the cute little neighborhood. There was an idyllic house resting in a gentle bend that turned the road into a little hill, and that was his target. He didn't plan to do much for this first attack. It would be simple. So simple. In his mind, he liked to imagine that the creaking bucket was sounding that word out- SIM-ple, SIM-ple, SIM-ple, SIM-ple. He could almost hear it in the squeal and strain and in the soft snuffling from the first prototype that hid within. The night air probably chilled the thing. That was fine. It wouldn't be long now until the baby had a good target. He found himself at the driveway. Then the doorway, dropping the bucket there. He opened the top of the bucket, knelt, and started whispering. "Just come back when they're attracting too much attention. Kay?" "Mrrp!" *Ding-dong!* Cillian went back towards the street, turned around, and waited. His heart began to swell with pride just thinking about this. *Creaaaak…* "Hello?" "Hellllo…" "What the-" "Sir… I'm here to… ask…" "Why are you in a bucket?" "About… your car's extended warranty." Cillian smirked. The home's owner quirked an eyebrow and took a step back. "What?" "Car insurance." "I don't-" "You could be saving so much on your car insurance." The sweet baby gained its confidence as it spoke. Cillian leaned against the lamp post, smiling softly. The child kept speaking. "So much money… gone… you need to cancel your car insurance…" "I don't… I don't have a car." "Yeah, you do." "No, I've never owned a car. You have the wrong house." "But we need to talk about it…" "Get off my porch." "…" "Get out." "You're making a mistake." Cillian shoved back a laugh. They'd already *made* that mistake by opening the door. "Why is there a guy behind you?" The resident asked instead of complying. "You really won't talk about your car's extended warranty?" "No. Screw off." "No… I'm going to call the police." "Huh-?" *Beep boop boop* Hello? I'd like to make a report-" "No, put that down-" Cillian smirked. "You can't stop him!" "Yes, there is a citizen harassing me. They- I tried to give them constructive criticism, and they're being very mean about it." August 12, 2025- Complete "We need cash to pay for our technology." One of the younglings blinked its little doe eyes and raised its hand. Cillian smiled. "Yeah, Liam?" "BOOOOOOOMBS!" "No, dude, we can't use bombs." Cillian chuckled. "That's good to default to, though, I can't lie… hm." "Jet2…" Another hissed, devilish. That lured out a full giggle from Cill. "No, no, that's not gonna work. No one *reacts* to that anymore. Here, we're gonna make it simpler: Scam, robbery, or bake sale?" "BAKE SALE!" "Bake sale…" "BAKE SALE!!" "BAKE SALEEEE!!!!" Cill burst out laughing. "No, kids, that's the- the *wrong* option-" "EEEEEEeeeevil bake sale…" "SCISSORS!!" "Scissor cookies…" "That's a *horrible* way to connect to god's wifi!" Cillian pretended to look shocked. "We don't do that here. No deleting scraccounts if they won't get us anything. Alrighty?" "Scissor cookies…" "No scissor cookies. Here, executive decision: Rob a small neighborhood blind?" "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" It was practically in unison. Cillian smirked. "Good, good. What do we use to break in?" "Knife!" *Yeah, knife!" "Is a knife a good tool for breaking into houses?" "…" "A lockpick?" Cill's tail flicked, causing a soft woosh from the displacement of air. "Yes, we will need lockpicks! What else?" "Bags!" "And spray paint!" "And yo-yos?" "BOMBS!" "No bombs, but the rest of you are right. This should be small-scale, but noisy, so we're bringing some others." Cillian leaned back. "We'll want gags and rope, too, so that things are less… *obvious* when we go in." "How about about snacks?" "Pretzels and pop tarts." "Don't forget-" "Rainbow goldfish, yeah! How could I? It's my favorite. And *where* will we do this?" "There's a city!!" One minion exclaimed. " A city, one of beautiful nerddom!" "Ooo, good words! You've heard of another city… which one?" "The city of Girls Who Don't Fit In." "Oooo, the KINGDOM!" "Yes, they are FRAUGHT with RICHES!" "Well, Pearce, I'm gonna have to think about that one. The kingdom…. Eh, they did nothing to me." "But…" Cillian closed his eyes. "No." "But… Evil…" "….Nah. Well… I mean, lotsa people from both cities know each other, right?" "YEAH!" "So, I guess…" Cillian grinned. "Great job, kids. Go get supplies." They all stood and went galloping away. Cill leaned back. Man… this was so *fun*! Nearly too fun to be a hard thing. But it wasn't. Oh, it wasn't. Still, these creatures were charming. He hoped this one would go well.
