Blaze had spent his time in the arena hiding. Leeching off others, slipping out of any battle possible... He had to remain hidden, safe, because he knew he simply had no chance of surviving if he'd been thrown into a battle with another tribute. Yet as the vines overgrew and took over the arena, he knew the capitol was getting bored. Bored, tired that there wasn't enough bloodshed. He was going to die. Blaze was going to die for *sure*. The very thought itself sent a cold chill throughout his body, but why was he scared? He volunteered for this, he knew he was a goner the minute the reaper called out his name, but his paws were frozen, his heart thumping in his chest, hot and cold flashes made his head spin. He wasn't a god, no, no, he wasn't a god. What kind of god would be scared of something as trivial and stupid as death? Everyone was going to die. Everyone was going to die at some point, he was just speeding up the process. Why did he even volunteer in the first place? His thoughts were becoming so very blurry... he couldn't think. What were his motives for dooming himself to this? For throwing himself into something like this, for making him dance like a puppet on strings for the capitol? Wasn't that what his entire ideology was against? The capitol be damned! This was their entire purpose... ...what was their purpose? The peacekeepers they took out, the people they'd manipulated into the games. What was it all for? Blaze liked to think that by creating this... group, he'd be giving lost souls their own purpose. That's why he turned his back on everything. That's why he turned his back on the people that raised him when he was at his lowest, that's why he did it, because he wanted to give this hopeless world a sense of living. But he was delusional. He was selfish, *god,* Blaze was so, very, selfish. Blaze inhaled the scent of copper, his pelt and body bristling as the stench of death filled his lungs. He wondered how many of those were... his followers. His followers... did he truly even care about them? He was the one that dragged them into this mess in the first place. He was the one who manipulated them, ruined their lives. What would Koda think? The Cabochons- oh, GOD, everything he did was for nothing. Nothing! A pathetic *weasel*, that's what he was. They all protected him, cared for him, and THIS was how he repaid them. And it happened once again with the Messangers. He wasn't a God. They shouldn't have believed in him. He didn't give them a purpose. All he wanted was to give himself a reason to keep going, something so twisted and sick and just SO SELFISH- he was hurting everyone around him. No matter what happened, he was going to hurt them. He didn't give anyone a sense of purpose, no. He just lied to their faces, forced his stupid ideas onto them. And they'd believe him fully, perfectly, and followed through with it. Did that serve as a purpose itself, even though it was all a lie? Does it even *count* if none of it were true? Yet this fabricated sense of purpose had effected others deeply. Incredibly. In a way, both lies and truth could screw someone up or let someone believe equally. ...why did Blaze volunteer? He wasn't going to bring justice to his past gang if he died in here, and he wasn't going to bring justice to them if he made it out either. He'd just continue living and hurting others around him, because this lie had gone on for so long- and yet another selfish thought enters his mind! Perhaps it was an easier way out, but Blaze swallowed his fear and decided. It would be better if he died in this arena. He'd just continue to hurt others if he made it out. And if he were to die, at least he could try his best to keep the others alive for longer. ...right? How many of them were dead anyway? The corpses scattered on the ground didn't tell him much. ...he'll continue going. If there were any more of his members left, he'll do anything to keep them alive. If he lived past whatever the capitol had in mind today., he'd watch the sky and see who he'd messed up forever and who he could still save for real. And if it ended with just the two of them left, Blaze would close his eyes and pray that they'd manage to make it out of here after he was gone.
