I dislike myself dearly; it makes me want to throw up whenever I look at myself in the mirror or camera. Every time I catch a glimpse of my reflection, all I see are flaws and imperfections that I can't escape. I can't stand hearing my own voice; it grates on my nerves, and I hate talking in public. The anxiety that washes over me in those moments is suffocating. I just hate being in public due to my severe social anxiety. It's as if the world is a stage and I’m an unwilling actor, terrified of making a mistake. I'm so misunderstood; my parents can't even see how miserable I truly am. They seem oblivious to my pain and always expect me to be the perfect child. I always wanted to run away, but I'm too scared, paralyzed by my own fears. Besides, I can't anyways. I get bullied by my family and replaced by my friends, who seem to forget about me when they find someone new to hang out with. In real life, I'm a loser. Somehow, I managed to make friends online, where I can be myself without the weight of judgment. The fact that I'm so useless is bothering me as well. I hate being me; I want to go now, please. I'm scared and overwhelmed, and I hate it. I realize I'm being overly dramatic now that I think about it, but no wonder no one likes hearing me speak my feelings. I'm so annoyed with myself and people around me. I hate crowds; nobody gets it. I want to be alone, but I dont like feeling alone… It's so confusing and exhausting. I'm working to be good enough for my very religious family; just the way I am upsets them a lot. I can't do this anymore. I feel trapped in a never-ending cycle of sadness and despair, and I’m not sure how to break free.
