Been a while since I hit a wall like this, I won't lie. Didn't think this day would come, but it's been nigh 9 years so far. It's approaching my 17th birthday - its literally tomorrow - and it has me thinking about the past. Oh, how enjoyable. I miss it. I'm at this point not too sure how much longer I'll be active here on Scratch. I wouldn't truly quit Scratch, though - after all, it's what I use as an art software. But lately, the strive to create things and post here have been at an all time low. I know I say that a lot, but genuinely, I've never felt as stumped as I am now to force anything out on here, let alone anywhere else. It's been dry for a while here. A long while. I think it's time I laid out some of my thoughts formally in a project rather than go full doomer-mode on my profile comments any longer. I miss the old times on Scratch. Yes, that's a really unc-like thing to say, but I truly miss how things were in early 2020s. I miss the old times when massive amounts of new content were being made by-daily - plenty of things to watch, enjoy, learn, and be inspired off of, much like myself. I miss the circulation of creative ideas in trending. I miss the interactions I've had on this site, too. Back when this was the one place where I've had abundances of friends, each with their unique skills, unique projects, overall each bringing something different to the table. Many of which I've lost along the way - whether it be cut off from contacts or a drama along the way. I also just miss the pool of commenters on projects, which I back then had the energy to respond to many - something I've also lost along the way. But over all, I miss having the feeling that I was creating for someone. This section of the vent is probably gonna sound the most clout-chaser-y, but I swear it's more than that. I was very much, and still am, a very audience-based person. Validation is a good feeling. Feeling like you're making something for many to see is a good feeling. I liked to feel a hustle with my creations, the feeling that whatever I'm making, good or bad, has the possibility to be seen by hundreds, possibly more. The desire to be seen, to inspire more, to spread ideas. Overall, it made me feel worth with my creation. I always lacked pride with my own work. And I never knew why. My pride has always came from watching others enjoy whatever I made. The pride was short lived. I've definitely lost touch with many, and I often look back at who I was back then, and envied it. Felt disappointed with myself that I never thought it was enough. I was never satisfied with what I had, and sought to do better. It drove me to the grave. It's put me behind a wall. Lately, Scratch has felt super dry. Everything to me feels similar nowadays, everything lingers for a while, everything almost feels uninspired and repetitive - at least compared to how it was back then. My interactions with friends or others have diminished, with many friends leaving the site, or just cutting contact with me fully. I myself have became essentially lost media, hardly interacted with nowadays, which makes it even rougher for me to even try with who I have left. My audience nowadays has panned out. With little to see my work, I've lost much of my pride with it, much of my value with it. I lost desire to create, stuck between the thought of my time being up, being unacknowledged - or the thought of a rush, worried I may lose who's left. I don't know what I did differently back then that I'm not doing anymore. But I wish I could know. Well. Yeah, that's quite a lot I had to say there. Who knows whether or not I'm coping or being earnest. I genuinely can't tell anymore. Life's been real mean lately, so I don't fully blame Scratch for me being washed. A lot of stuff has happened inside my family. Alongside friends. In my own life. It's been rough. Alongside all the problems - whether it be life or Scratch, another reason I'm considering dipping is... well... I mentioned I'm turning 17 soon enough. My content is ABSOLUTELY aging up alongside me. Aging up to the point where it can't be posted over here on Scratch. Nothing severe, just not appropriate enough to be here. I'm slowly moving off to other sites - like Tumblr for example. My success on other platforms have been about the same as here, but at least I'm allowed to release a full 100% of what I make. Um. Yeah, that's it. That's the whole vent. or rant. or complaint session. or copium talk. Idk what anyone would call this. I'm not too sure if anyone is even going to see this. I'm just. Washed. Burnt out. I'm tired. Hit a wall. I don't know what to do from here.
