tw for mentions of blood, death, injury, other ** please read the other tws you see on the screen 『 ❛ my problem, it's my problem ❜ 』 newleaf was supposed to be a season of renewal. of new sprouts, of new knowledge and experiences. not ... not whatever this was. paws thrummed quietly on the cool earth. a fine drizzle fell around “ the cold one ,” the sky a dusty grey. step. step. step. it trotted purposefully, dutifully heading for the border flurryclan was nowhere short of flora ; flowers, grasses, and shrubs covered the lands everywhere you looked. one shrub in particular brushed against the open wound, dark blood crusting around the scratch. it’d haunted her for too long. the compromises she’d had to create, all because it’d made the stupid decision to fight a fox. crashcrown resumed snow’s stroll, eerily calm, eyes blank. at least it hadn’t been for nothing, right? at least the fox wouldn’t come back and attack the clan. that was what mattered, not some injury. 『 ❛ that i never am happy ❜ 』 that was right . snow had to take care of some cats now. it’d been such a long while since rayshine, twirltwist, or lightpaw had needed her. kits. unexpectedly, the rigid warrior let out a loud sigh. the kits were troublesome, loud … but rai still cared, somehow. had dazzlingstar felt that? she pondered, mind drifting to the leader who’d been its parent. probably not. the stories depicted rain as warm, caring, openly loving. but she’d decided, long ago, that affection was only an obstacle, one it did not even dare to comprehend. 『 ❛ it's my problem, it's my problem ❜ 』 the rain began to fall harder, the clouds shifting to a darker hue. crashcrown raised snow’s gaze to the sky ; it’d been this exact weather when she’d found her kits. but at the same time, it was not. a loud crack echoed through the meadows, a bright streak of light illuminating the skies, but it did not flinch. natural phenomenons. they were dangerous, of course, but it was unlikely. perhaps as unlikely as the ambitious flower, known for being ever so wary, being ambushed from behind, a flash of black and white. 『 ❛ on how fast i will succeed ❜ 』 —— crow hit the ground headfirst, letting out a low grunt. quite ironic, really, the scarcely-humorous feline thought fleetingly , that crashcrown had crashed ; adrenaline rushed through the warrior as she scrambled to her paws, teeth bared, her tail and the dandelion attached lashing. the rain only grew more fierce, striking the ground with every drop like a kit to a bug. but even through the grey haze both literally and within its own mind, it recognized its attacker almost instantly. any cat with a mind could. that signature oblong body with the singular stripe of white down its dark, beady eyes glaring at the cat. she met its gaze with her own intensity unsheathed its claws, flattened its ears, narrowed its eyes. the many colourful flowers that adorned pelt and tail swaying ever so gently in the wind. it lunged towards it, a paw extended, ready to - wait, no, no. snow’s eyes widened, mouth opening in the fog, she’d missed a detail the badger aiming, slashing its claws sharp, long, deadly pointed to its neck 『 ❛ are you satisfied, with an average life ? ❜ 』 —— the flower staggered thick red sticky flowing staining hurting pain pain pain the petals shuddered, legs buckled, but her mind did not falter ignore the pain, you’re a warrior ignore emotions, you’re a cold snow ignore your feelings, pretend you’re unaffected ignore, ignore, focus, focus disregard your state, your pains don’t matter, get rid of the danger get rid of the danger protect your clan protect your clan protect your clan concentrate, concentrate, concentrate protect your clan or you are worth nothing you insignificant, worthless /murderer./ 『 ❛ do i need, to lie to make my way in life ... ? ❜ 』 … why is crashpaw’s mind whirling why can’t the thoughts just shut up and let it do its thing why can’t crashkit feel the wind, the rain, /anything/ but the searing pain in her neck ? not like this not like this not like this she had so much to do, she had kits to take care of, she had family its eyes gleamed, fevered, crazed it would pay it would pay snow couldn’t do this she couldn’t leave everyone behind couldn’t leave her goals unfulfilled its vision clouded, the creature clear as day then merely a blob moments after time slowed down, or maybe it sped up, she couldn’t tell crashkit took a feeble step forward crashpaw mustered snow’s remaining strength crashcrown swiped its paw it hit its target her “ doubts “ stumbled , tripped take that for shattering my goals take that take that for orphaning my children her eyes, glazed and manic were filling with dark spots so this was it , huh “ she “ wasn’t here “ she “ felt its body flop to the ground just as a dull thump told snow that its opponent had fallen to the same fate [ + ]
『 ❛ high achiever, don't you see? ❜ 』 crashcrown lay down on the red-stained grass eyes fluttering energy depleted rain still falling, showering the warrior perhaps the sky was grieving, weeping or perhaps it was happy that the flower of destruction had wilted at last was this really how it ended? alone, cold, unfocused, goals unfinished, no family, friends, or mates in sight? this day was really full of rarities, for the snow-tipped petal, known for its apathy felt a strong wave of melancholy of remorse, of regret as memories invited themselves into the quickly - fading mind from the day its seed had sprouted, training with fights and mossball when its father died when it’d met poolkit and seekkit and unitykit and hamsterkit and moonflowerkit and … someone else she couldn’t quite recall when crashcrown began to bud, actually training at the border in camp, with seekpaw and poolpaw and runepaw then, it’d happened lightpaw, its sister, had died her tail swished weakly across the damp grass then snow’s mentor, lichenlinger died to the same fate she was in then, the flower had bloomed rayshine and twirltwist disappeared runedazzle died unityheart died and someone else had done something and she’d struck down four mossclan wards the first time she’d ever felt guilt 『 ❛ baby, nothing comes for free ❜ 』 and now, ripe into elder age, lying on its side bleeding, hurting, throbbing . dying the flower was wilting alone, cold crashcrown had failed all those she’d lost . .. … or had it ? its goal was to become a strong warrior, to protect its clan it’d done that, right ? she hadn’t been alone on the journey it could still see seekserenity, poolwhisper, runedazzle, and … the forgotten cat’s faces. and snow had kits now and snow had to acknowledge what she’d named the final kit euphony another word for melody another word for citrusmelody another word for liar another word for traitor another word for ‘ someone i’m sorry i hurt ‘ another word for ‘ i’m a dirty little hypocrite . ‘ …. ‘ i hope you can one day forgive me. ‘ 『 ❛ they say i'm a control freak ❜ 』 crai’s time was up, she knew for all sensation, even the gaping wound in its neck had faded and her vision was but an unfocused haze at last, the flower of ambition met its timely end alone but not alone cold but fuelled by the warmth of those it remembered goals unfulfilled but also fulfilled, to the purest sense and at last it was free to wander the skies not bound to the star-filled haven nor the rotten forest of evil but on its own path crashcrown’s breath stopped eyes closed, heart paused the crown had fallen. 『 ❛ driven by a greed to succeed ❜ 』 —— crashcrown was my second generations character. its personality was certainly a change from dazzlingstar’s warm, empathetic one, and i won’t say i didn’t enjoy roleplaying snow, because i really did. i will admit though : i’m not sad to be letting go of crow. she’s lived her life. snow had just become an elder, and that wasn’t how it would have wanted to spend the rest of its life. instead, crai died to a badger in flurryclan territory. i’d like to thank some people while i’m here, for being significant parts of her life. so here we go, in no particular order :: @collab_account_12 / citrusmelody. angst angst angst aa their interactions were always so fun !! even tho you left gens the time we spent was not forgotten , and I’m still really happy every time I get to roleplay w/u out of gens <33 @littlenuggetcoconut / moonflowerkit . thanks for willing to be up for 12 threads a week i guess /lh /silly @Mousewater / seekserenity | moss !! even tho you went on a summer hiatus, i do declare you as crash's official training buddy -- you were a large part of the 63 apt snow gained before apprenticeship <33 @Bella_0npawz / poolwhisper | again 1!! a major contribution to its apt / exp levels -- and one of her best friends !! thanks for all the role-plays and fun times <33 @WINDSCLANNED / lichenlinger | dude you were so patient with me and my six threads every two days sobbing ,, you've been super amazing aaa - and this extends beyond gens as well ! @.you | Thanks for reading my sleep - deprived silly roleplay!! thanks for supporting , whether it’s viewing this project, my other ones, or even roleplaying with her !! <33 and honestly? i'm really proud of her. over 130 total exp is an insane number, and the connections and role-plays were unforgettable. and even though i'm pretty sure i won't have another character even remotely similar to it, you can bet i'll be roleplaying with this silly goober in the outerlands <33
