DWYUID - Chapter 1

Instructions

Dying Without You Until I Didn't ______________________________________ "Left you for nothing, but now nothing is left of you..." ~Prologue~ This is the first month I've spent without him in a while. I'm sorry. But how was I meant to stay with you if I was dying slowly? It'd break your heart if you knew. I just wanted the best for you. You'd never understood. ~Chapter 1~ February 9th, 2024. 4:32pm "So she winked at me and obviously, she was trying too hard to get my attention. Like, girl, stop. I don't like you," Axel rolled his eyes, ruffling his blonde hair. Turning to look at me, he stops and groans. "Atlas, are you even listening? What's so important on that phone that makes you ignore your best friends?" He scoffs. I slowly put it in my pocket, checking my notifications one more time. "At, come on, stop sulking over Ruben. It's been almost a month," Eliane laughs with her hand on her hip, not noticing me wince. But I have to understand she's right. He's moved on, so why don't I? He moved to England last month after we broke up anyway. I just have to leave him behind. Because it's the right thing to do. "It's your birthday in March next month, right, Ax? Let's all hang out together for the last time. Sorry, I mean, for the first time in a while. Let's be young for once again!" I rush, my best friends giving each other confused side glances. "Uhh... Sure. What's up, At?" Axel seems genuinely concerned. "Nothing, nothing! Looking forward to it! Send me the plans later! Bye Ax, bye El, gotta go cook dinner early today," Without letting them answer, I turn around the corner, panic spinning in my head, and walk out of sight. Walking home, I check my phone once more. My heart almost stops when I see a notification from my messages. Hating myself for wishing it was Ruben, I tap on the message. Way to burst my bubble, Phone. It's the local hospital. It's the local... hospital?.. I haven't gotten a message from them since they were trying to get me to go through with the surgery. Because I was diagnosed with heart cancer. They told me I was going to die in six months. I don't need someone to tell me what to do. This is how it was meant to end. I die until I die. It's always been my prophecy. Nobody else knows about my heart tumor, not even Axel and Eliane. Wait a minute. Wait an actual minute. The message says, "Hello patient, we have received many complaints of the doctor who diagnosed you with heart cancer. Many patients have been misdiagnosed with cancer, and tumors in x-rays have been reported to be fake. His medical license is being taken away. You are being invited to have another appointment to get re-assessed. We are sincerely sorry about the mishap. Please reply ASAP. Thanks, Keroliwood Local Hospital." Dread and pure, unfiltered anger rushes through me. I've pushed away my closest friends and broke up with the sweetest boy on planet Earth just to be told that it was all a lie? I dropped my phone in horror, hands trembling. It didn't break, but the sound it made hitting the pavement was like the final crack in my sanity. With my world spiraling in front of me, I clicked on Ruben’s contact - the one I’d been avoiding like the plague - and stared at the phone keyboard. How do you tell someone who you haven't talked to in a month about all the fear which piled in your stomach when you were first diagnosed with a life-threatening condition, and all that overwhelming emotion was all for nothing? "Hey, sorry to bother you. I'm not actually dying. Turns out I was misdiagnosed with heart cancer and I broke up with you for no reason. Hope England is fun!" I couldn't delete that faster. I typed another one, my breathing ragged. This was it. The full, humiliating confession. I had to let him know I wasn't just a jerk. A heartless bastard. I was a desperate, terrified liar in love. "Ruben. I need you to know the real reason I broke up with you. I lied. I was diagnosed with heart cancer, and I didn't want you to fall in love with someone who was bound to die early. But... I just got a message. The diagnosis might be fake. Please forgive me Ruben, I love you so, so much." I didn't proofread. I couldn't. Before I could delete it, before I could talk myself out of the biggest risk of my life, I hit Send. I was greeted with a message saying "This user has blocked you. This message could not be delivered." I stood frozen on the sidewalk. He blocked me. He didn't just ignore me, he had completely cut me out of his life. The relief that he didn't have to see my frantic, insane confession was instantly swallowed by the absolute devastation of his rejection. All I could do was stumble home, fall into bed, and sob my heart out into the oblivion of my pillow, where nobody could hear me. My chest ached, not with a non-existent tumor, but with a real, crushing weight. I've messed up. I've messed up real bad. Oh God, how will I ever get out of this mess?..