Updates 1-8 [UPDATE] Yeah, no, im probably not going to be on much, and by much i mean not at all until i can get my headspace better. I dont want to say my mental health is crap, but its getting there.. I probably wont check scratch a lot, and if you arnt @weirdbugg or @ath3nope then i might not respond. [UPDATE2] I’m still feeling like crap, but I’m getting motivated to write a book and stuff, so I might be more active and stuff. [UPDATE 3 - MARCH 20TH 2025] I am ok i am ok I am ok i am ok Life is tiring, i am exhausted, things that make me happy are now putting stress on me, and i am afraid i am making people annoyed. I wont respond lots now [mini update | 4/1] Something happened (i cant go into detail, but it was nothing major and the other girl didnt really do anything (this time) but yeah) and now im going downhill. I dont even know why, im shaking, nervous, crying. I dont know. Just, dont expect me to be myself. [3/31] I am not ok. Im nervous, anxious, however you may say it. Im just, so over this whole friend group drama, and it dosnt help when people snap at you a lot. I am tired, running on low, and I am not like I used to be. I used to be funny, and outgoing and well, happy. I am still outgoing, but im losing my humor, and while I am still happy around certain people, Im just trying to make it through the day. It kinda feels like life is slipping from below me, i have a few close friends, but it feels like- well- not losing them, but having to keep my distance. My school is trying to help, but they just tell me that I cant sit with my friends because she is there- honestly? I dont know how much more of this I can take I dont want to trash the girl online, because that is EXACTLY what she did to me. I am not name dropping, lore dropping, nothing. I am done with this though- thats all I can say. I was told it gets better… when? [UPDATE 5.5 - 4/22+4/23] [.5 update] Life sucks, school sucks, everything sucks. Guess who just found out they bombed TWO very important tests in TWO very important subjects? Me. Im going to cry now. Update - I cried for two hrs, rethinking life, i dont know. Please just leave me alone for a bit Hahaha… My head hurts Guess who just had a mental breakdown over art hw?? This girl! (At 9:47pm) I didnt want to write here again, it felt weak, and yes, I am aware I sound like a pick-me. But if i snap at someone, I want people to know why. Also ive been told keeping a list of stuff that happens to me is good, so here’s my list i suppose Nothing happened, but i feel like im failing everyone. Im also overthinking ALOT more than before. if someone asks me: hey, thats a bit annoying, could you please stop? I say: Oh sure! Sorry! But i think: yep, they dont like me anymore. I just lost a friend, they’re mad at me, they think im annoying, etc. My head is starting to ache lots. What do I do? I feel like im pushing away everyone I love, my friends, family, scratch people, etc. would anyone wonder where I went if I moved over night and didnt tell anyone? Would anyone reach out to me? I need to snap out of this faze, I feel like a burden [UPDATE 6 - 5/6/25] she was talking about me today, behind my back. I had really really death-feeling cramps that day. I couldn’t do it, i cried. Luckily i had friends, including and some irl friends. Why was she crying? What did i ever do to her? She only ruined my mental health, but oh, what do i know about mental health, when she cries more than i do. Guess what, i cry 5-7 times every week, i dont know what to do. I am melting, haha. Life hurts [Update 7 - 5/18/25] Im drowning Why? Tests. I feel like im drowning. I just have to make it a few more days, i need to hold on. I cant sleep, but im drowsy every day. I can’t eat, but im also hungry a lot. I can feel myself drifting away from.. life. Idk, i just feel like writing how i feel makes me feel better. This isn’t meant to be attention seeking, keeping a log just helps me…feel, which i dont do much of anyways. I cant feel. My friends are amazing, so i feel like im betraying them by not feeling the same as i used to. Ugh. I hate math. [Update 8 - 5/25/25] “Im drowning let me breathe.. ..im better off all by myself, but now im feeling kinda empty without somebody else.. ..so i hear you crying out for help, But you never showed for me when i was ringing your cellphone. Oh you dont know, How it feels to be alone But baby oh, ill make you know Ill make you know” -toxic
