The first image is a drawing of Peregrine August (character belongs to Yaelokre) I drew a few months ago, and the second image is a redraw I made recently. So I've been feeling very exhausted and stressed lately (nothing new, really) and very... weird. Does anyone else suddenly feel some sort of shift recently? I'm hardly productive and my mind is an absolute mess, and the amount of screen time on my phone continues to increase. We really, really need to take more breaks. I'm going back to therapy and praying to God it's helping. Here's a big realization I've made. This is gonna sound edgy but I can't describe it any other way. I'm putting up some sort of act 24/7, changing like a chameleon depending on where I am. I'm much more guarded and stiff and numb and touch sensitive around many, and I then slip up and say something stupid. I get into a mental state of panic and flinch at any sort of contact, and I don’t know why, but I believe it might be from some sort of fear. Likely humiliation or judgement or blackmail. I'm trying my absolute hardest to act mature about this (and trying to act mature in general) and I apologize for randomly venting to a bunch of strangers online. The last two grades I've been in and the present were probably the most scarring periods of my life. Some of my friends say I'm very mature and act like I'm their mother figure or something, or their gf, or their therapist, or the third wheel, and I'm well-adjusted to it. I'm always the messenger, or the middle man, or the therapist, parental figure, or the little child, or the third wheel, or the decision maker. I used to avoid talking about myself until later and now. I was going through some terrible mental struggles and was very... unwilled to live, if that's appropriate enough. And I still am struggling and all of the past and present has caught up to me, mixed with the shock and panic from all that happened the past 3 days, and I'm left here overwhelmed, disoriented, and stressed. Something I realized is that forgiving people is very, very important in healing. Forgiveness is not justification. And the truth is, I'm also just a kid, no matter the pressuing, suppressing act I've worn for years. I hope all those people I met and once knew are doing well. God bless and have a good day/night
This is the most vulnerable I've ever been to the public, please don't stalk me, may take this down soon.
