I cant do it anymore. But I cant shake these feelings away anymore. there's too much of it. My life so far hasn't felt like anything but studying my whole life and good grades, like nothing else matters. Almost like there's nothing else to live for, but study, get into a good college and study more, then work until you're too old to do anything else but support your "family", even though I might not even get a girlfriend. There probably isn't much of a chance of a partner. But there's always boys, right? even if there is that hope, I cant stand living every day with that false sense of security that plagues my brain, like everything is going to be fine. What's the point? Why? I don't know if I'll ever feel happy again, hell, It might've just been me faking it so much I tricked my brain into being happy. even when there isn't any real reason to be at all. I just want to see what other people see Not this.
