this is a continuation of my other rant but this one is a bit different i said i’d gotten better but my confidence took a huge hit after joining spop . i feel like i’m talented and drowning in a sea of other talented people and the only way to know how to swim is hit a whistle note , or have something about you making you unique i look at pretty thumb styles and i say “ why didn’t i think of that? ” i listen to amazing covers and think “ why can’t i do that ? what’s wrong with me ? ” because when i joined i thought i would be the best vocalist in spop . but now there’s people like luna or yoona , people in high school with more matured voices and more experience , and me , a 12 year old who hasn’t been focused on improvement until 3 months ago , being held to the same standard it absolutely breaks my heart to see people like lyra get brushed aside when they’ve improved since they first joined evie , yula , yooni , etc . be honest . do you even look at auditions anymore ? or are you just judging based on what you think you know . because people change why can’t i be like yoona , or luna , or thea ? why does my vocal tone sound so old , when i’m a 12 year old ? kids should have high voices that hit high notes , right ? where is my high notes ? did it get lost in the mail ? can you stop being humble ? because if you stink what am i ? oscar from sesame street ? i wanna be a soloist but would ygs even support me ? because apple cider has a total of 37 views . i need to stop comparing myself to others i need to stop i need to stop but i can’t stop how do i listen to nlwymm without comparing myself . how do i listen to luna’s rebel heart cover without comparing myself . how do i look at thea’s view counts without comparing myself how do i listen to an eris cb without comparing myself . how do i exist without comparing myself to every single audition in every group i audition for , feeling like i’m gonna cry every time i get rejected ? i’m not used to rejection because the last time i was in spop i was nugu so the standard was sm lower . the standard back then was lower overall , tbh . i want to force the high notes but they just don’t come out . why don’t they freaking come out . how do you do this . how do you make your voice sound good and not like the only technique you’ve ever learned was space to hold a ping pong ball keeps your vowels nice and tall . why can’t i be like them . i just want it to be my voice for once . not “ yuzu is so funny !! ” what about “ yuzu is such a good singer !! ” im gonna focus on improving myself but when i don’t improve im gonna use the scissors again cs idk what else to do istg if i see the same switch up i saw last time i posted smth like this i’m unsharing the project
