Some updates. My mom says I have to get used to she/her, and that I should be a she/they even though I have told her I am uncomfortable with being called a girl. I don’t know what to do. It’s so loud. And the activity involves talking to people. Of course no one talks to me. I feel like a burden. Nobody cares about my feelings, and nobody ever will in my school. This place isn’t for learning, it’s to torture me and make me regret ever existing. I wish I could apologize to my brother for being the one he looks up to. I feel so bad. I just wish that my dad actually loved me. I don’t know why. I know I deserve to be neglected, but I still want to be loved. Im just like my dad. I yell at people when I get mad. I hate being interrupted. We have the same humor. We have the same face. We have the same eyes. I feel so terrible for everything I’ve ever done. I feel pushed into Christianity due to how many Christian shirts I see here. It makes me feel like I don’t belong, like I need to go back to the mental abvse I went through, maybe my death will be God’s plan. Maybe I was a punching bag from the start. I want to punch my dad so much. Every father figure I’ve ever had I’m scared of. Im scared of God, because he made it worse when I prayed to him back when I was in that horrible perfection seeking religion. My dad, because.. y’all already know. My stepdad because he yells a lot and I’m scared to make him mad, his voice is stern and I can’t tell if he’s mad at me most of the time or fine with me.
