| TW: Talks about life, reality, health, this is very personal- read at your own pace. | Okay. I joined scratch about 9 months ago, almost the exact same time my friend introduced me to generations. It was like nothing I could have imagined, so many characters, cats, clans, just like the book warriors which I loved. It felt so extraordinary that I had these chances to get to know people- make..new friends, have new opportunities. As I roleplayed it felt more and more like another chance, that I could start over with my characters. Have new personalities with each and everyone. I loved it, it felt like another life, another job. But. It got to the point where it that exiting and wonderful feeling of roleplay had dissolved over time. Maybe it felt more like a burden than I imagined. It hurts- hurts my heart to say that. But it just felt like more like a job and mind you- I was still in school at that time- and it felt like a huge responsibility. I had to be more active on my phone, added up my screen time. Added work. Piled onto the 'To Do' list. Along with the fact that I needed to take care of myself. And one day, I thought, I could leave it. I could stop at whatever time I wanted, I could have left. But. It hurt. So I stayed, dark circles formed under my eyes, the amount of time I spent on scratch was also affected the amount of time I spent on my phone as well. My responsibilities got tied up in all this 'work'. About the time when I had my second character bearclaw, I become almost very inactive. I had hardly recalled scratch. In all this madness with school, my life and scratch I had forgotten I needed to take care of myself. I needed to worry about myself and my health than worry about a website that barley had any affect on me except role play. But I wanted to keep going. I wanted to roleplay, I wanted to get enough apt and exp. Maybe I wanted to try my best. I'm going into highschool soon. It may seem like a long time- but for in reality it's a lot closer than It seems. Right now I'm focusing on my health, getting myself in shape as school roles in. I couldn't do this. I had to quit. And I've met so many great people on this website, some very funny, kind, and memorable friends. It really helped my communication skills as well as social. But I knew it was time. Sometimes I would compare my characters life to mine, I would chuckle at that very thought. But to be real. Scratch isn't reality. Life isn't a game. It isn't 'oh, I lost my character, I'll apply for another one!'. Happiness can shine on this world, but the dark reality can eventually create shadows. Over throw, take over at times. The real world can be dark and cruel. And school, places and people are there to prepare me for that. I don't want to say too much as I feel like I already have and I know scratch is a 8+ site but life isn't all fun and games. And I had understood that at a young age. But I'm prepared. I'm ready for it. I want to be. I'm sorry for how dark this was. I wanted to get the point across, some people out there may already know this. Some may not. But that's all I'm saying. I feel like I took some weight off my shoulder as I this paragraph rolled out. It felt easy to write. But that heavy feeling in my chest still spun. That stinging feeling. I'm sorry to have to leave. Not even sure if anyone will read this. I don't know. I heard someone once say that I should care less about things, tell myself 'no' more often. I should, shouldn't I...? For those who read this I want to say my last goodbyes, I'm not coming back. To all those wonderful and welcoming people I've meet on scratch I want to say thank you. And I've done some thinking. And want to ask you this- what if you didn't accept my orp that day? What if you hadn't said hi that day? It would have been different, It would have been lonely. No. I would have felt alone. So thank you for taking part in my life, and to my real scratch friends out there- thank you for spending time with me. You guys will always have a place in my heart. I will never forget. No one will read this though. I say as I post this with a shaky smile. My finger trembles. The 'share' button above the project hovers like a wasp. I press it. It's done. I say, the phone fumbles out of my hands and I look away, sadness clouds in my eyes. Thank you- maybe...we will meet again. -SK
