chapter 1. two left hands. I lie down on the floor by my bed, staring at the ceiling. I think of all the things that have ever happened to me, like for example, having messed up wrists or, getting lightheaded when standing up. I sit up, slowly, and adjust my glasses to where they are higher up on my nose bridge. I look up at the clock, it reads 6:34 am. It feels like its been only 5 minutes, how has a half hour already passed? I stand up and walk around my room 4 times, like walking laps around a track. My father walks in the room as I'm on my 3rd way around my room. "what are you doing espen?" he asks, seeming genuinely confused but he laughs a bit. "uhh force of habit?" I reply, kinda confused on why I actually do this. He walks out, and I continue walking around my room, when I've walked around it 4 times - finally- I can actually start getting ready. I change from my sleep clothes to a baggy Deftones shirt, black cargo pants and my old, dirty converse that I will never not wear. I brush my hair, and get my bag and go down to the kitchen and grab a cup of coffee before going to my bus stop. As I walk to the bus stop, I put music on because, music is like, a genuine reason to be alive. I stand at the bus stop listening to "quiet" by smashing pumpkins, and an unfamiliar face walks up to the light post where I was standing. I take out one of my headphones, because I thought he said something, which he did. "Hi.." he said quietly, but still like he wanted to socialize. He has raven black colored hair, and average height, I wave back awkwardly and smile. I crack my knuckles anxiously waiting for the bus to get here, and he notices the bracelets I have piled on top of each other on my wrists. He looks at them for a few moments, but looks away after, what like, a minute? "I like your bracelets." he says, and I thank him. "do you want one? I have a few I can give you." I ask, trying to be as nice as possible because people say that I can be rude, so I dont want someone that is seemingly new to this school -or even area- to think that either. he nods. "do you like uhh...smashing pumpkins?" I ask, genuinely curious. "yeah I love them!" he said. I finally make eye contact with him, and I realize his eyes are beautiful. they're hazel, and look like they have a lot of emotion behind them. unlike mine, mine are greyish blue that look lifeless and unfocused. I hand him a Siamese dream bracelet, and he thanks me and immediately puts it on. I smile slightly, as the bus gets here. We sat together on the bus, and time went by faster than ever. we talked about music for the most part, and he has really good music taste. Misfits, black flag, the smiths, smashing pumpkins.. all that stuff. so he's really cool. His name is gerard, I found out. we have gym, English and math together so we decided to sit near each other in every class we had. ~time skip~ In gym, we sat at the top of the bleachers. the teacher just talked about rules, which everyone knew. I sat awkwardly with my legs crossed, feeling uncomfortable because we have to wear shorts in gym. My -very old and only noticable to me- scars were mainly on my legs, and I was scared someone would question it, as if anyone cared enough to do that in the first place. There's also this cool, short guy named frank, he has dark brown hair, hazel eyes and he's *very* sarcastic and sassy. "frankkkk! where'd you go-!" I say as hes laying on the floor of the bleachers, practically under Gerard's legs. Odd, but still. its frank what do you expect? "hiding from you, espen!" he laughs in between words, making it seem almost incoherent. I grab his ankles and pull him towards me, and -youll never guess- I violently tickle his ribs. He laughs maniacally, and grabs my wrists to stop me from doing it. I wince ever so slightly, and I thought it wasn't noticable, but frank AND Gerard noticed. crap. "uhh espen...?" frank looked a bit concerned, still smiling slightly from the situation beforehand. "is something wrong?" I ask, because I didn't know exactly what they meant because just saying my name is too vague. "did I hurt your wrist?' he asked, and my heart dropped to my stomach. He noticed? He...cared..? "no your good, it was just...unexpected is all." I say, its most definitely an excuse but ,whatever. we carried along with our day, occasionally bumping into each other in the halls during class changes. next thing I know is its English, my last period of the day. I sit with Gerard at the back of class, and we are writing poetry for a grade. The rules were this: no inappropriate topics, and no violent topics. So I, chose something mental health related. WIP!!
BTW>>> this has bpd references, and espen (protaginist) has implied bpd !!! Cjapter two out ...soon!
