This isn't some kind of callout thing about the tfc admins being corrupt or blah blah blah. I liked the team I had to leave behind. Still a bit worried that lyney's got a lot of weight to bear as a sole ceo after like... under a month? of being cit. My memory continues to fail me. In the magical land of four months ago (I think) I was a ceo-in-training with an extended mental health low clinging to my shoulder. This is never a good thing to carry by its lonesome. Combine it with an Aki who was much more of a people pleaser and feeling much underappreciated and you got... Disgruntled and Overwhelmed (but still Underwhelmed?) Employee Ranting The older team wasn't a bad environment either it just... wasn't one where I felt like I was helping the roleplay. And so I went to a place I felt safe and complained about it. And because I thought I was being a good friend I went along with my friends' complaints. I should've known better, I guess. I wish I could've known better and actually felt. Uncomfortable. At some of the things my friends said. But ceo-in-training Aki was a person with too much of a desire to help, and hindsight isn't foresight. And then the role of ceo was dropped in my lap. I was probably just thinking that I'd be able to do more as a cit, and then there it was. Unforseen promotion. I tended to stop hanging around that space I thought was safe to voice discomforts I otherwise had no place to say. (Yes I hear the "you could've just not written it in a place with other people" but I was closer to my youthfulness and far more ramped up emotionally back then). I just started feeling uncomfortable, so I stopped checking in and started focusing on trying to find my footing. And I did. Kinda. Suggested things, answered questions, just lurked around and felt like I was actually doing something. I actually got my stuff together and was pulling away from beefing with people online. But I guess four months isn't long to people who remember it well. "So what's the point of this?" You ask. I guess I'm just trying to show that I've (at least tried) to stew over my actions from a whole two (different) band camps ago. And also that I've had a nice positive character arc since then. My mental health's been staying out of the tank, I've felt heard, and I've had an otherwise pleasant experience working in tfc. I'll still be haunting the suggestions box because even if I'm not there to actually talk about it I still feel like my ideas about events will be listened to. I guess I just wish I hadn't been leagues less of my own person back then. So I guess I'll apologize for that. Not having the backbone to step away earlier. But I will say that I'm not that stressed out kid with far too much worries in his mind to think about online courtesy. So I guess this is both an apology for my past self and a plea for you to recognize that I've moved on from that a long time ago. I'm just hoping that I'll carry this lesson in being able to walk away when it comes to actual office gossip and complaining in my future, heh. (This was written at 22:50/10:50pm EST. Stream of consciousness writing.)
