Ranting a lil bit But at the HOCO dance/bash thing, I went with somebody, right? They did confess to me also this week. But, I never like, ‘Agreed’ to being g1rlfr13nd and b0yfr13nd. Like they asked me, “So, what are we now? Like officially dating, friends, or see where it takes us?” Like a normal question, asking what we are since they confessed. I said “Let’s see where it takes us.” Only because I didn’t wanna hurt his feelings. Now, fast forward the next day or so, he asked me to the HOCO dance! I said “Uhh yeah sure why not?” As like, friends/kinda date (maybe), but like, today was the dance day thing. Like it was fun! REALLY fun! But, when I was sitting with his friends, and like, he was calling me his gf and w1f3 or whatever. Like, ‘Okay, so I guess that’s what he is calling me..’ and so I just acted normal and made silly faces when they did that (lol). And it carried on later, like they said they l0v3d me, like I ‘l0v3’ them back, but I love them as a friend. Not in the way that they l0v3 me. Also after my friend kissed my other on the hand and cheek, they said they would to me if I only gave consent. And they are a year older so… And they were calling me ‘Darling’, like I don’t mind that but just….. They meant it in the l0v3 way. And sadly, I don’t feel the same… Anyway, later and later, the dance ends. And I’m leaving the school, and they stop me. Turns out awhile ago they found my bracelet that I had lost without knowing, (he couldn’t find it in his backpack lol) but yeah I left and one of his friends told me he said “I love you” and yeah….. I can’t feel the same they want me to…. I’d feel awful if I just told them “Sorry, I don’t ‘l0v3’ you the way you want me to.” Because like, they are aro-sexual, and they like me, out of all the people they could have liked, they like me. *Sigh*, like they are trans-masc, and I’m straight.. my brain can’t l0v3 him the way he wants me to.. nor can my heart… I l0v3 him, and I always will, but just not in that way… I feel bad.. *Sigh*, it’s just complicated.. I don’t want to break his heart, because I’d feel bad and it’d be awkward between us then, they might even want to stop talking to me because they thought I was in a ‘real r3l4t10nsh1p’ with him. Geez.. What the heck do I do? I don’t want to break his heart. Yet I don’t want to be in a r3l4t10nsh1p with somebody I don’t l0v3 where I would k1ss them. I just.. what do I do..? Like, they are a good kid and all, and I l0v3 them deeply like I do with all of my friends… It’s just I couldn’t commit to a relationship with somebody I don’t l1k3, l1k3… Any ideas..? Thanks for listening to my rant.. Means the world that you took the time out of your day to listen to this, but anyway.. I’ma be offline for a bit (not long, but still offline, aka the weekend) I might be able to check. Probably not though.. Love, Kandi <3
<3 It deleted some of what I said, so ima clear it up a bit, the person that asked me to the dance, c0nf3ss3d to me a day or 2 before. They asked what we were and gave a few suggestions, like friend, bf/gf, or let’s see what happens. I said the third option. Jst realized I already pointed that out, but I don’t want to delete this so womp womp. Also I got to hang out with other friends too, it’s just I wanted to rant about this to get it off my chest a lil’ bit… Praying they don’t see this….
