22 april 2025 . they walked side-by-side. he tried not to imagine the man who had walked beside her moments before. he had to walk beside her with his eyes forward and his hands at his sides. he had to say things he didn't want to. "i'm going to ice cream with him tomorrow," she would say, and he would be forced to push out all the things he wanted to respond with. she turned toward the sun. its orange glow should have made his heart thaw a bit. but it was all to familiar. she looked at him as she spoke. he wanted to shut her up, to k!ss her. but she would taste the pain. and it would touch her. she couldn't find out that way, not of his burning for her nor of his aching for reprieve. he was entrenched in both but could not ask for help. not from her. he would just sink deeper. perhaps to touch her, to k!ss her, to hold her would heal his wound. it had before. she looked away. had she asked him a question? if she looked back his eyes would answer, for to any question she asked the answer was the same. i love you. his eyes, hollow and sinking, dull and so empty, held only a small yet searching ember. only around her. he felt her eyes press his sould when she saw that ember. he knew she saw it. he knew she saw his face, as broken as a lost child's, using his eyes as its only cry for help. otherwise his agony, the chained-up yesterdays in him, were gagged and silent. he had fallen. into the searching pit of love he could not give. the flame he could not quench for he could not guide it. and he had thus fallen into a pit he could not climb back out of. he stvrved in that pit, mad with the isolation and darkness of its depths, but not yet devd. and he would remain silent unto peril, unto devth, if to save her. she looked back at him and asked, "why are you so quiet?" he swallowed. he tried very hard not to k!ss her. he swallowed again. "bad night," he replied. he almost felt dizzy. he wanted to run away because he needed to stay forever. she nodded. he wodnered if she would be so casual if she knew, understood. if she felt for a day the self-inflicted pain he had taken for months. and he loved her.
