I’m faking it all for attention I’m just a needy brat I don’t do anything to help what’s the point of being the oldest my siblings don’t look up to me I’m glad they don’t they’d just be as bad as me I’m a burden to my parents if I wasn’t here they’d be able to do more do my friends even really like talking to me or do they just feel bad because I’m the kid with cancer and they don’t want to seem like a bad guy the argument wasn’t even that long ago we’re long distance how is this relationship even working and what about the people at school I feel like they’re constantly mad at me for something but I’m not sure what and my arms hurt from the scratches it’s not a healthy coping mechanism to just constantly scratch my arm with my nails and my neck hurts from tonight sometimes I wish I could just stop taking my pills without being checked into a hospital 3 hours later and what if in January after my test is back what if I don’t have it and I am just faking it all and everyone will think I was dramatic about the second surgery but I didn’t want to go back again it was painful I had to have a tube in my arm and my every move was monitored I was so delusional I was losing oxygen from sitting up my heart was either 5bpm or 105bpm but then I got back and then I changed schools I just want to go back why can’t I go back why can’t I why why why why why why why why why why whyw whyw why whyw whyw. Whyw
