[reshare cause I’m re-adding the notes n credits Reshare #2 cause my friend needs this frfr] Let’s cut to the gist of it. Crushes are confusing and nobody actually tells you what it’s like. I’ve heard a lot of “you’ll know it when you feel it”, uh, what if I’ve never had a crush?? Or I barely remember what it feels like?? What if I just DONT?? Attraction is confusing and adults never really tell you that tbh.. SO. I exist now to explain a bit of my experience (maybe this is to ramble about my own crushes maybe not, you will never know.) [IM A STRAIGHT CIS GIRL. I’m also not an expert!! I cannot possibly live everybody’s experience so don’t stick too much to this kind of rubric idea. Go wild!! Crushes can be exciting, and they don’t need to stick to a formula, well, as long as it doesn’t bridge into obsession. I think that’s something we always get wrong with attraction. It’s different for everyone and we need to keep that in mind. Just don’t take my word for fact.] 1. It doesn’t really matter who you’re attracted to as long as they’re/it's not problematic. (Ex. They’re harmful, or it’s a weird age gap, etc. you should, I hope, be able to judge this.) nobody else really gets to decide what you’re attracted to and why or if you act on that attraction or not. Baseline: This goes for everybody, your feelings are your own and nobody else’s. How you choose to act on said feelings is your choice. Don’t let peer pressure decide what happens, you are you and you are awesome. 2. I don’t know if this is a common experience, but to me, I researched all the differences between crushes and love and that helped me accept the idea of having a crush (especially considering the kid was kinda rude and mean and honestly probably didn’t deserve my attention but HERE WE ARE.) It’s not obsession, as far as I know. That is something I am called very, very often, and it really got annoying because that only proves to me that these kids who are claiming to be “dating” can’t even identify a crush. I’d never call someone with a crush obsessed (unless it was genuine obsession). edit: I js really enjoy analysis I wanna say think Ashfur from warriors for obsession, it’s a bit extreme so keep in mind that he’s fictional, but his level of desire and how he acted would likely be considered a form of obsession. Or just think of the way the fandom views him lol. Genuine obsession. “Unhealthy and compulsive: In a more serious context, the phrase points to an obsessive thought pattern that is intrusive and causes anxiety. This can be a sign of an underlying issue, such as in cases of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) or "obsessive love disorder," notes Quora and NOCD.” From what I gather, obsession is being preoccupied with something to a disturbing degree, whilst you may want to learn about your crush, it’s not quite obsession. It’s obsession once it becomes distressing to not be around them and it gets to a point where you can barely form a train of thought without them popping up, obsession is an extreme focus on a particular topic in which you have a near inability to focus on anything else. If that were to match feelings you were experiencing you should probably see a mental health counselor or psychiatrist. Baseline: It’s called infatuation. “an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something.” It’s not obsession. 3. Crushes feel different for everyone, but for me, getting to be around them just makes me happy, kinda like smiling endlessly. I don’t want to describe the feeling as more than it is cause that’s what leads kids to believe it’s like this extremely blissful and always happy state. It’s not quite, as a matter of fact you can easily convince yourself you have a crush if you just pretend to. I’ve done it before, I’ve seen others do it before, and I did it because I didn’t actually know what a crush felt like. So, make sure you double check before telling anyone. I don’t want to sound weird but one way I’ve been able to distinguish a fake crush from a real one is a genuine want for intimacy with them. I’ve found that with my current crush (not the same meanie from earlier ewww /jk) I want to idk hug him er somethin crap like that. ALAS I cannot because I suck at social interaction so we are not friends. And with the fake crush it was like, “I mean it’d be fine if they hugged me but” like I didn’t really care. So that’s kinda my way of judging it, when you feel it it’ll feel genuine. Baseline: Be careful. And don’t tell them until you’re absolutely positive that you genuinely want a chance with them. 4. Do. Not. Rush. It. Oh my goshhh I cannot stress this enough you cannot rush attraction. Look man. I don’t care if all your friends have crushes and you don’t, buddy, this goes right back to peer pressure. If your friends can’t accept that you just aren’t there yet (or better: you know your standards and are actually waiting for the right person), you should probably delete them from your life.
IM JOKING DONT DO THAT No, then you need to sit down and talk with them. Look them in the eyes and tell them, “look, I know you think I have a crush, but I don’t. Please, respect that when I say no, I mean it.” Or something along those lines, right. [COMMUNICATION IS KEY IN ORDER FOR ANY FORM OF RELATIONSHIP TO WORK, ROMANTIC OR NOT. Never beat around the bush or avoid the issue if there’s a problem that needs solving in the relationship.] Or maybe you just don’t feel attraction to others!! And that’s cool, you don’t need another person to live your life happily!! And that’s cool, imo. Awkward amount of times I said cool. Being alone is pretty awesome, I know most don’t think so, but really, it’s pretty great. edit: single life can suck. its true. but ONLY because of the couples in your life so remember to use psychological tactics to break them up I hope you know I'm joking 5. Telling them and talking to them. This is absolutely the toughest part of having a crush, it’s terrifying, what if you mess up? Say something wrong? What if they figure it out? Worse, what if they hate you? What if you do something and they dislike you for it? Truth be told, they probably don’t care, and if they do, yeah that’s a little petty and they’re probably not worth your attention to begin with. But don’t be nervous. I’m so serious, and I cannot say it enough, it’s okay!! It is okay if they don’t like you, you’re just better than them and they can’t handle that /jk no. They’re just not right for you, and guess what, not everybody is, and it’s unfortunate but it’s the truth, life wouldn’t be worth living if we got everything we wanted all the time the moment we wanted it. Psychology shows we’re actually more likely to be attracted to unattainable people. Alright, I get it, it sucks, it really, really does, but, you’ll be fine. Focus on the people who do like you, and don’t get hungover on what the crush said, alright. Rejection is a part of being human, whether romantic or not, we don’t live in a perfect world like that. But that’s what makes the people who do care for you special. And we honestly neglect the simple things in life like that in pursuit for the big things. Money, fame, love. It doesn’t replace the small bits of life that truly make it worth living. 6. Getting over them. Tbh, hang out with your friends, focus on friends and family, make peace with the idea that “hey, they don’t like me. And it’ll be okay, because I’ll find someone who will”, I’ve heard it said before!! There are many fish in the sea!! Look. Just enjoy it. Have fun. Live it. Let it boost you, make you aim to be better. Don’t let potential rejection or loss scare you, jump headfirst into the water. And hey, if you start to drown, there will always be people there to help pull you out, so don’t purposefully drag yourself under. Let the current of life ease you along and don’t let the riptides get you off balance. Especially not weak ones that don’t deserve your attention. You rock. ALSO for those in romantic relationships: a relationship of any kind is a partnership, not a cult following, please never idolize your partner. It is exhausting to be around people who believe that they and/or their partner could never do wrong and never be wrong. We’re all human, please remember that. Think of them as the next level up from a best friend. They are entirely capable of doing wrong as any other human being. Love is not being blind to the existence of flaws, rather, love is being aware of the flaws and still caring for them. I have heard it said before, “if you only loved them for who they were then or who they are now, did you ever, or do you, love them at all?” (Paraphrased) It’s saying expect change, humans core power is the ability to evolve and learn, nothing can always stay the same, and people are involved in that cycle. If you can’t love them for the person they could become, then how could you possibly love them now? Love is seeing the were, the then, the now, and loving that. Ok, on a side note I LOVE rambling about my crushes you literally are my bestie if you let me talk about them /hj So uhm, if you feel comfortable, tell me about em!! I’m all ears haha!! If nobody else will listen, I swear I will :)))
