space bar / right arrow / click = go forward i fr waited four months to post this js so it'd be accurate (i started working on this in october 2025)
all art is by me song- things to do by alex g the thumbnail is literally the best thing i've ever drawn in my life then tehres the little chibi me YAP |||||| i don't feel like the same person as i was when i was in elementary school. my memories almost don't feel like mine. i honestly AM a different person, in some ways. I dont look the same, I'm in middle school now and I'm gonna be a highschooler next year... a lot has changed since I moved here. I was starting our fourth grade at this small school, there weren't many people other than just the two classes for each grade and there wasn't really drama or fully established friend groups until 5th-6th grade. everyone just hung out. it was boring, too. middle school is much different... now elementary school feels like it never happened. is that what highschool will be like? all my memories melting away only to reveal the present? maybe. i kind of want it to be like that because, i'll probably change so much and be so different but still, i don't want this to just be a thing of my past. i want more time at this school, even though it sucks, i want... more time before everything changes again. i adjusted pretty fast to middle school because, well, i didn't really care that much and felt like i was super ready to take it on. now i'm constantly overthinking everything and super anxious and i slacked off most of middle school. so i start thinking... am i really ready for highschool? for this big change? to start needing to try so hard to make sure my future is okay? i already try to put in effort but it's so difficult sometimes and i worry, what will happen if i do this in highschool?? i'm also scared that with highschool starting... my friends and friend group will change. highschool has so many new people in it and i just... i dont want us to all split up into more friend groups, i want me and my close friends to stay together. other than highschool... ive noticed ive finally reached the dump of dating people. it took me like four months to actually like someone else after my last ex, and my two awful relationships of 7th grade... and now the new person i like most likely doesnt like me. i guess ive ran out of the love sauce or whatever i had because... i dunno. in better news, my writing and poetry skill has improved a lot over middle school. 6th grade was atrocious and i don't know how i even called myself an author, 7th grade was ... ehhh, okayish, but now, in 8th grade i feel SO confident as an author and havent doubted myself in a while. (and if i do doubt myself, it goes away fast) my art skill is... slowly getting better, but not by much. im fine with that, honestly. i feel like the person i am today.. is someone i can start to be proud of. ive never been confident, ive never beleived in myself or been proud of who i am since... ive done terrible things and didnt have any skills, nothing to be proud of. and... i almost feel as if ive built a life for myself... as a child, obviously. ive gotten caring and supportive friends, ive gotten hobbies and interests, ive gotten a sense of self. that sense of self still flickers on and off sometimes.. i'll feel less confident or i'll start to doubt i ever knew myself in the first place... but i think im on the track to genuine happiness... regarding myself. everything else in the world, and my life is uh... great. i love living in america. but... yeah. im still filled to the brim with fear and anxiety but... i have a growing hope that stuff will be better. that i can actually try to make it better for myself. enough with the rambling.
