DWYUID - Chapter 4

Instructions

~Chapter 4~ July 27th, 2023. 11:34pm (Ruben's POV) Dear diary, That dreadful night still haunts me. I remember seeing him there in the dark, holding her hand. I stood there, my eyes blank. He noticed me, panic surging through his face, and shoved the girl to the side. "Wow, Masozi. So much for being 'different' from the others," is all I say before I walked calmly walk out the door, my feet feeling heavier than bricks. I struggled to pick myself up, and blocked the sounds of Masozi yelling with dread. Tears started to seep out of my eyes, and they felt like acid burning through my skin. Catching my breath, I wiped them off aggressively. Then I ran. Arriving home, I jumped into my sister's arms, sobbing my heart out. Well, we'd been there before, huh? And that's the night I swore to never fall in love again. And also the first night I'd done something so horrible and unforgiving. Something I'll never be able to take back. All on accident. I'd climbed into bed, not even fully feeling conscious after knocking my head into the wall repeatedly. Out of anger at my ex-boyfriend & best friend. I decided I was done with it all. But no, life didn't want to let me sleep normally. The edges of my world weren't defined well anymore and everything sounded robotic and pre-recorded. Hallucinations of Masozi covered in blood flashed and I felt almost dead. Within three minutes, I'd slipped into the dream world. Masozi was standing right there in front of me, his frame blurry, but a clear smile upon his pretty face that showed he knew he broke me. The world started to spin, my head dizzier than it already was, and I remember forging a knife and cutting his hair with a precise shot, a chunk of his clunky brown hair falling into the abyss. Waking up, something instantly felt off. The wind had slowed down outside my dirty window. I remember it clear as day. My phone was ringing, I picked up to hear Masozi's dad. His voice was frantic, just like my thumping heartbeat. He was shouting, words tumbling over each other—collapse, hospital, no pulse. My stomach dropped. I gripped the phone so hard my knuckles turned white. This isn't some strange coincidence. It's my fault. That wasn't just some... harsh dream? Did my anger just spill into reality? It.. I... It was an accident. How was I meant to know? How am I meant to trust even myself now?... That was the night I learned I wasn’t just broken - I was dangerous. And if love could turn me like this, then I would never let myself love again. But I knew it'd be hard, especially for a weak boy like me looking to be loved. Remembering it all makes my heart, head, hands, everything, hurt. My body is sore and tired for no specific reason at all. I stare at the ceiling, hugging my pillow like when I was a little child. But this boy, this boy that keeps glancing at me when he thinks I'm unaware of it, who is he? They're all the same, so there's no point in hope. I really can't lie, I hate that I find him so intriguing. Boy, this is not going to end well.