tw: self[pain], sv1c1d3 hi. no pressure to read all of this but id like to think i said it. thank you too everyone who has been my friend. i love all of you and you have all meant the absolute world to me. i hope you all find happiness. genuinely. a lot has been going on. its not just one person either. so many things have happened. so many things have hurt. the past 17 hours have been the worst of my life. ive been hurt so many times in so many ways by so many people. i cant breathe. it feels like the theres an aching gap in my chest. as though my heart had been v10l3ntly torn out. but at the same time it feels as though something is crushing my ribcage. i feel sick. i want to v0mit. ive been shaking uncontrollably as though i have hyp0thermia. then when i do warm up its burning. back and forth and back and forth. i will never be able to trust again. i feel numb yet also overwhelmed. if i could just pull my consciousness out of myself maybe id be okay. i am physically unable to speak. the hallucinations are getting worse. there's spiders everywhere and anything in the corner of my vision moves. there is a girl in my house watching me. she has a notebook of every single thing i do and if i act wrong she will know that i know. i disgust myself. i hate myself. in the past 17 hours i have made 3 proper 4tt3mpt5. they were all unfortunately unsuccessful. fourth times the charm. figured id at least say that. if i don't update this project within a week it worked. sometimes i forget. sometimes i forget that the universe can't stand to see me happy. goodbye.
