welcome! this is kind of a draft because it's unedited and rushed. literally seconds after arriving home (like 10pm) I went straight to the piano to record this, given that the deadline of this comp would be the following day. it's not my finest work, but I'm proud that I actually managed to record something lmao. this is one of the most depressing songs I've written, since that it's about IRL events. the song describes my best friend, who was going through an eating disorder and had a lack of stability within her self-image. she never told me any of this, by the way, until now. both her and I have struggled with body image in the past, but she's only recently told me her story, and honestly, I was heartbroken. this transpired in 2023, where she stopped talking to me completely after saying she was "going on vacation." she was in the hospital for almost a year, and I didn't know. honestly, I feel disappointed in my younger self for never noticing what she went through. but it explained so much. her story left such a lingering effect on me that I just had to write a song about it. take this song as a rant. she's okay now; she eats whatever she wants without feeling guilty, and she's stopped obsessing over body image. she used to constantly wear hoodies and baggy clothes, but she's broken out of that shell and started wearing more t-shirts and things she used to be afraid of wearing. i'm so proud of where she is today.
lyrics. they don't align with what I've sung, but I'm including the full version from whatever dusty corner of my notes app that I wrote them on: verse one: Pushing away your untouched plates Arms trembling, covering your waist. You're hopelessly afraid of your weight A number on a scale but you hate it. verse two: I can still recall two years back When i was left in the dark with no contact You were hospitalized You weren't skinny enough in your own eyes pre-chorus: Maybe I should've noticed back then I didn't realize how your eyes grew dim Everything you did to just get thin chorus: I hope When you look in the mirror and you see yourself You wouldn't want to hide away and I wish you had the guts to say "I don't hate me" That you'll stop praising being just skinny And that you're happy not because of just your body and your size Because the pain isn't a prize. Mmm verse three: You were staring at an empty screen Your bedroom piled with magazines It never was enough for you Till death was in the cards pre-chorus: Maybe I should've noticed back then How closely you looked at every inch of your skin Everything you did to just get thin chorus: I hope When you look in the mirror and you see yourself You wouldn't want to hide away and I wish you had the guts to say "I don't hate me" That you'll stop praising being just skinny And that you're happy not because of just your body and your size Because the pain isn't a prize. bridge: And I cry Because you almost took your own life How your mind has been so unkind And you live with it every night And you cry Because you almost took your own life How your mind has been so unkind How do you live with it every night chorus: I hope When you look in the mirror and you see yourself You wouldn't want to hide away and I wish you had the guts to say "I don't hate me" That you'll stop praising being just skinny And that you're happy not because of just your body and your size Because the pain isn't a prize.
