as many of you can tell i have been so inactive lately HELP and this amount of inactivity probably isn't unusual for many people but it is for me, so i'm making a project about it tl;dr: - i'm very busy sorry - sorry if i respond late or it gets buried - school is hard - otaps are hard - tfcrp is hard - irl friendships are hard - swc is hard - personal projects are hard - how will i even finish my ib entry in time bro - procrastinating is easy </3 expanded version: i have. Lots and Lots of things to do. i have two major upcoming tests (MAJOR) which will be over in the next 1-2 weeks but i still really need to focus on them. not to mention all the other schoolwork that isn't a test. right now is probably one of the most crucial times of the year (at least in my opinion) so i'm trying to do my best. i'll be free from school soon but after that i still have like ~24ish artworks to complete for otaps (i counted) which i don't really have motivation nor inspiration for half the time. i'll probably go more inactive in the adopts community once i finish everything, it used to be a big dopamine boost but now i wanna focus on my characters and art without stressing out. i love art as a hobby but once it becomes all professional i lowkey get burnt out i know i struggle tremendously with deadlines and i am not proud of that. especially with my ib entry, i know i had over a month to do it + an extension but i'm only like 60% done because the sheer thought of working on it is horrifying. i love ib, like i'm so grateful to be a part of it and that's 100% genuine!! especially in the final 3 when there were so many better options imo!!! but whenever i'm not working on my entry i think, "wow i'm wasting time not working on it!" then i'm afraid to face that thought so i go do something else except i feel like i'm wasting time still so i just end up doing nothing at all. that's just surface level too, there's more about it but it would take up like 300 words to fully explain so i'll just move on. but just note that there's a possibility i may not finish my entry in time, i haven't even finished the entire script yet </3 so sorry if i disappoint genuinely. it's not anyone's fault btw i'm just a severe perfectionist to the point it is probably not okay i feel So Bad about being inactive in tfcrp (the four clans roleplay) too, especially because stingraypaw is still just an apprentice and i've barely roleplayed with her. i had so many good ideas and i LOVE her character but every time i open my roleplays, i see "1 month ago" and close it out of sheer fear there's also swc (scratch writing camp) going on too now, it's not my top priority but i love writing and i have so many ideas for it and i wanna get involved since it only happens thrice a year yk not to mention i have like 1 animatic idea, 1 major project, like 10 animation meme ideas, 3 major stories and like 3 aus in mind. these are all personal projects that i'm actually passionate about and i want to complete though they have to be in the backseat of my head for now because they're just not as important as everything else (one of them does have a deadline though, which is rapidly approaching unfortunately) top that all off with my latest crk obsession, which i can spend hours consuming the content of... i'm ashamed of this guys but THOSE COOKIES LIVE IN MY HEAD RENT-FREE HELP ME. help like please they're stealing my thoughts i'm gonna be honest guys, i share SO MANY symptoms with executive dysfunction it's not even funny ☠️ i'm not just talking about things i said here but i'm talking about how i act in general. i've starting noticing resemblance ever since i learned about the term a few months ish ago? i haven't been able to see a professional about it yet and of course i am not self-diagnosing in any way, though keep in mind i share a LOT of its traits, even if i might not have it in itself so yeah! there's a lot i have to do when someone my age would probably just be stressing about schoolwork at most. i can handle schoolwork by itself but it's hard to balance it with everything else i've listed. i'm so sorry about taking so long for all this, i'm trying to handle everything and stay on task though sometimes the mere thought of it is daunting. i know this is just a silly coding website and i should prioritise irl and my health, though you all put so much time into talking to me, roleplaying with me, accepting me for otas etc and i know i shouldn't just run away otherwise that would just waste all our times. i can apologise as much as i want though i need to start actually taking action (continued below because i talk too much)
(continued above because i talk too much) i don't regret being part of these communities and they've given me so many great memories, but i really need to cut down on work after all this if i want to not feel stressed 24/7. so it's like a 50/50 if i become more or less inactive after/if i finish everything this wasn't made for me to complain nor get pity (please don't give me pity) but rather to share what's going on because i know a lot of people are waiting on things from me. don't worry i'm fine LOL this makes it all sound very bad and yeah it can be at times tbh but i'm trying my best to handle it! and i've handled similar things before and i'm still alive and kicking. just thought you all should know so that nobody thinks i'm ghosting them or procrastinating because i want to. please remind me if i'm taking too long on something! it doesn't matter if i've mentioned it here or not – a large reason i tend to avoid things is because i think i've taken too long and the other forgot, so a reminder will be VERY helpful! there's a lot more than what i've just written but i've already filled up the instructions and n&c so i'll just leave it out at this point so yeah, until next time! stay hydrated and don't bite off more than you can chew c:
