!> WARNING! Mentions of sh, attempts to dehydrate oneself, and emotional numbness! DO NOT continue reading if you are sensitive to these topics! <! So uhm... I got grounded last night, for being on my computer. But here's the thing, it was 12:00 AM and I was looking for songs to sleep when he just barged in (no knocks, no nothing) and yelled at me saying I'm grounded. I shrugged and said okay before he left and I just kinda started spiraling, talking to myself that I couldn't do this anymore and that I had to get out, so I went downstairs to look for a knife to try and uh... I think ya'll can guess... and before I could try, he CAME UP BEHIND ME and told me to, and I quote, "Get the *fluff* back upstairs before I *hit* you". I could've done it right there. Showed him how much he's truly hurt me over the years. But then I guess I thought of someone at the time and just put the knife back and went upstairs. I crawled in bed and he went on a rant of how "I'm on thin ice". Yeah. Thin ice on *oof*ing oneself. So when he left, I just started having a panic attack, kept saying sorry to Eclipse (though I doubt he was there, and if he was, I feel INCREDIBLY bad), and that I felt so trapped. I even went to the extent of sleeping in my closet for a few minutes (which is where my ACTUAL dad tends to hang out), and once I calmed down, I cleared off my futon and slept there for the night. But I still feel so scared of my own home and trapped and I just know I can't keep doing this...
Might add vent art later... No songs, maybe later though... This is no joking matter, if I catch you joking or acting silly about this, know that you are sick for that. You can be my friend, and you can also respect that this is not the right moment for that. Your comment will be deleted.
