☁︎ “How does she sleep at night?” ☁︎ ☁︎ Drizzlepaw was upset. Really upset. She had worn her strong face. She had smiled and wished Tigerpaw the best. But it was moments like this, moments late at night when the clan was asleep and all was silent that she couldn’t be strong any longer. It was moments like tonight, moments where Drizzle couldn’t help but clench her paws against her nest, crying quietly into her mossbed. She didn’t want to wake anyone, and she didn’t want to impose, but she couldn’t just smile and laugh any longer. It hurt. It hurt her from her fins to her paws. ☁︎ ☁︎ “Mama, the nerve of this cat…” ☁︎ ☁︎ The worst part was not having anything to blame. She couldn’t blame Tigerpaw, certainly not. She couldn’t blame Curlskip, it was natural to want to protect his daughter. No, if she couldn’t blame anyone else, then it had to be her own fault, no matter what Tigerpaw said to reassure her. Drizzlepaw sniffled softly in the silence, forcing herself to be quieter. Nobody should have to wake up because she couldn’t hold herself together. ☁︎ ☁︎ “To leave me, so easy…” ☁︎ ☁︎ The worst part was the expression on Tigerpaw’s face as she broke the news. Oh, Tigerpaw, the one time you just had to show your true emotions in a way that even Drizzlepaw could read. The pain in Tigerpaw’s voice was as bad as anything else in the situation, because Drizzlepaw couldn’t even hate Tigerpaw. She couldn’t hate Tiger because Tiger so clearly regretted it. And if Drizzlepaw couldn’t hate Tigerpaw, then she had no choice but to love Tigerpaw. But loving a cat who could never love you back wasn’t easy. It was so hard that Drizzlepaw woke up in the middle of the night with a vice-like grip on her heart, and she could do nothing but sob, alone and in the dark, just as Tigerpaw left her. ☁︎ ☁︎ “Am I gonna be alright?” ☁︎ ☁︎ Drizzlepaw didn’t know where to go from here. They said that there was only one way to go from rock bottom, but all Drizzle wanted to do was curl up on the cold stone and stay there forever, because that was the closest she could be to Tigerpaw. Lost was the best word Drizzle could use to describe her current state. She had built a relationship with Tigerpaw, piece by piece, loving whisper by gentle smile. And yet. That relationship broke. Like a twig beneath a warrior’s paw. All because of the disapproval of a single cat. Drizzle was shaken, no doubt. She had lost the one relationship she was safe in, and she had lost the one cat she could really love. The only thing she still had left was the kits in the nursery, but even that was a painful experience, knowing that she could never have kits of her own. At least, not with the only cat she would want to share that experience with. Oh, it hurt. It hurt like a claw digging further and further into her heart. ☁︎ ☁︎ “I wanna kick myself for falling so hard,” ☁︎ ☁︎ Drizzlepaw sniffled quietly, curling back up into a tight ball. That’s how she slept now. Not languidly stretched out like a cat exhausted from a long day, but like a terrified kitten trying to protect her already-breaking heart. It was almost ironic. Curlskip had wanted to protect Tigerpaw from feeling this terrible, but in doing so, Drizzle felt condemned to this. Would she recover? Would she one day wake up a little less sad? Would passing Tigerpaw ever get any easier? Of course not. Because she was in love, no matter what Curlskip said and no matter how many times Tigerpaw broke her heart by saying goodbye. Maybe that was her strength. She could feel so thoroughly, that even when it started to hurt, she wouldn’t give up on the feelings she once cherished. But right now, Drizzlepaw couldn’t see her feelings as anything but a cruel punishment from Starclan. ☁︎ ☁︎ “Mama, can you die from a broken heart?” ☁︎ ☁︎ ERP ☁︎
wrote this at 2 am idk if the grammar works right but oh well enjoy
