space please also guys my crash out song that I listen to is convincing me not to do it... you see, My closest, as well as only friend(I am becoming at ease with my carpool, FINALLY.), doesn't want me to... well, anyway, the song goes: Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness and I would've stayed up with you all night had I known How to save a life. And my brain does its thing where I see through other's eyes, and those lines is how he would feel. He would be thinking that. And it hurts to know that.
I mean it guys. It's scary... Hamilton, the thing in life most important to me, is losing its meaning. It's fading away and I can see it. I can feel it. It hurts so much... and kids at school don't help insult me talk behind my back but I hear it. I try not to care... but it hurts at night when I can't sleep. Thank you for your support... I'll try... I'll see if I can climb out... although the darkness is fighting hard... :) - about people who have called me weird, here's a (sorta) funny story. So, it was a Friday, and I was waiting for the bell to ring so I could head to my first class. And anyway, (I am @Koala-EP-2324 there's no denying it now. :| ) anyway, this kid in my carpool, we'll call him A, was talking with his friends, and I passed by the group, and he said, "[???? no idea] isn't that right, [my name]?" actually calling my name out. I was like "what the- IS THAT MY NAME?" and this happened:( []=my thoughts) A: don't you think [principle's name] is Alexander Hamilton? Friends: *snicker* *dubious looks* Me: [ I thought you wanted to help me with my social life ahhhhh why are you doing this to meeeee] Um, yes, it is a theory, and not mine, but, yes, there is possibility A, B and C, and I am simply trying to see which one it is.[Lord help me] and, um, yes. *quickly walks away, probably panicking :|* Them: *possible Snickers? Definite murmuring.* Me: [Ok, so A definitely has some interest in the theory... I BETTER GO ASK HIM-] Me: Sooooooooooooo, do you want to help with my theory? A: Hm? oh, no, I'm to busy with- Random friend of his: You know, A said you're weird, A: What?! NO, I dodn't- R(random friend): Well, you guys carpool, right, he told us about all the weird things you've said- A: What I don't know what you're talking about- Me:[ first of all, Awwwwww, you care about me! Well, at least enough to talk about me! And to try and "Protect my feelings" by deflecting the truth! Oh, how sweet. Also, I really don't care if you call me weird but honestly, >:( I know where you live so u better not spread any rumors about me.] ok *runs off* And, yeah. But he's a nice guy who is trying to help me in a subtle way. And possibly trying to bridge the social difference between "Nerd weirdo outcast kid" and " 'cool' kid". :| ^V^ A needs help. He is very stressed... He needs help... I want to help him but don't know how. :(
