I am a baby The world barely extends beyond my immediate family Nobody is truly mean Everything is sugar-coated sweet. I don’t feel the heat of pain or anger And it’s okay for me to cry I am a toddler My world has expanded slightly I go to the grocery store with my mom while my siblings are at school and I am unaware of the world beyond the people near to me I feel frustration but not fury The candyland illusion is still real to my little mind I am a small child I am in early elementary school I am dimly aware of the unkindness of some individuals and I am half-aware that a world beyond my town exists I know that people are not perfect and I know I am loved The sugar-sweet wall that protects me from the world Is still intact I am just a little girl I am a child I lose my faith in Christianity no religion makes sense life after death life after death doesn’t make sense to me anymore I begin to imagine death as just simply not being alive no afterlife The wall protecting me from the world slowly turns to glass I realize that I don’t see the point in speaking cause no one really speaks back I lose my best friend Three times in a row one drifts two move away I don’t know them anymore I start to realize that I’m not like everyone else I don’t find school difficult even when others do I’m Gifted? Even when it feels like a curse I am a middle schooler I realize that hope is a fragile thing I see through the glass that once was a wall I see how evil they all are I close my doors and try not to let them know how bad it is inside I don’t cry I don’t cry My parents say that it’s not okay to cry they say I have no reason they act like if I shed a tear that I’ve committed treason they get mad that I’m addicted to the scars on my thighs still forming they tell me that I could do better if I only actually tried I can see the world’s evil now and I know there’s more evil to discover the girls at school some who I thought were my friends turn away and betray and then what happens next? my friend attempting an ambulance called that day at my school no one was allowed in the halls I think about that a lot my brain wants to give it a try half the kids in my grade show up with their head in the clouds half the boys in my grade smell like feet I had a girlfriend a first kiss then she moved and I haven’t kissed since I will grow up some way some how anyway that’s goodbye for now
