day of birth art dump [ read desc ]

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*boop* or space to proceed edit: this is two days late because on my birthday one of the powerlines decided to crash and catch on fire and create an entire power outage around my neighborhood. i am truly living the life on an ao3 author. [ i just want to say the following notes are all based off of my own experience, and at the end is all my opinion ! it's just some stuff that i'd like to leave behind as a year pasts by, and please don't take my words to the heart. ] i'd like to think that i've grown happier. at least i hope i do. i've been debating if i should even post this because i genuinley dont want to discourage anyone-but it's been so hard to interact with people. a part of it has to do with my willingness to go out and actually talk to others, but even with the effort it just seems all futile-i'm not sure if its just my highschool, but the kids there are all genuinley so mindnumbingly lacking in conversational skills. sometimes i look back and deeply regret my choice of transferring because at least i had friends back in my old school. i genuinely dont have one good memory here. i do not care too much, yet i still feel the loss of what i could've experienced. people judge, a lot. and honestly i do think that it's valid to have your own opinions. but i do think that sometimes we are all basing our judgements out of malice and hatred instead of genuine concern. i do not believe that you are inherently a good person if you decide to hate on someone with a bit of whimsy and joy in their life. this thought is really hard for me to articulate, but i've been stuck in a state of constant comparison. and yeah "comparison is the thief of joy" because it really is. theres always going to be someone better than you at something, and it's a terrible feeling. it's so hard to balance out the multiple relationships you have in your life. i want to have hobbies, friends, good grades and a stable family life but it just feels like i can only ever get a taste on one or two while the others crash and burn, or am i just too greedy for wanting it all? they bleed into each other quicker than i can stop the wound and it's just been affecting everything i experience in general. i think the only advice id give is to consider your choices carefully, and to not take the opinions of others just because you two are close, or have a connection. all relationships last because of the communication, and communicating is hard. it really takes practice. i've been on both the receiving and presenting side, and i'm still working on this flaw. friends will come and go as they please, and sometimes you cannot blame it on anyone but time. nothing lasts forever, and perhaps that just emphasizes the importance of going out of your way to spend time with your loved ones. i feel so weird complaining here xD i don't think i ever had such a serious issue to write about. it's just a bit silly to read over my thoughts afterwards. but i'd like to leave off on some good notes because it's my birthday ! looking back at my art i'm really happy on how much i improved, genuinely have no idea how i managed to do such a thing, especially when you look at slide 13- A YEAR AND A HALF. WHAT. i think ( breaking news ) much of the improvments have come from being less "restrictive" in my art process. i draw for my own satisfaction now, so i'm not very worried about anything being perfect for the sake of it, rather having fun and figuring out certain aspects as i continue. my art is not great, it is far from anything around the area of being great, but thats alright. there is always time to improve no matter what others tell you. life does not end at 18, or 22, or 30. i am really grateful for everyone that has been so supportive on this platform both online friends and people in general- every comment means so much to me. it's really encouraging, and a big part of why i even bother to draw most of the time :D. there are so many amazing artists and scratchers here, if you are reading this ◝(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)◜ you're wonderful ! hope you have an amazing day !! another big motivator for me are my irl friends whom i love very much (ᵔᗜᵔ) . ( lowkey i hope they don't read through this though because it's very personal and i don't think i've really told them about any of this -- its okay though i thinkk most of them are offline ("-ࡇ-) ) but if they do, thank you for being there during the ups and the downs and the War of 2022 <3 if you want to be art moots hiT ME UP!!! i've realized i haven't been following much other artists due to just going to scratch to post a project and then leaving for a month (ᵕ,,—ᴗ—,,) and id love to see more art ! just realized only people who read through my essay will see that... with that being said, happy thanksgiving guys ! thank you so much if you read all the way through to here, i hope you have a nice break/day and spend some time doing the things you want to do.