Depression: "The world on fire, they say, but I'm consumed by a different flame, One that burns from the inside out, and I can't even whisper its name. They ask why I can't be happy, as if it's a simple switch to flip, As if I have control over the cracked and broken world in which I slip. My thoughts are a tangled mess, my heart a heavy, beating drum, And every day feels like a battle, fighting a war that leaves me numb. They offer words of hope, and I try to believe, But the fog is a cage without a key, and I can't find my way to leave. This is not a choice, not a phase, but a part of me that aches, And I'm tired of pretending to be fine for goodness sakes. The world keeps spinning, but I'm stuck in my own dark place, Hoping for a morning where the sun will warm my face." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------Childhood Trauma: "Alone in bed, I lie awake, With memories I can't shake. The nightly thoughts that fill my head, The things I wish I'd never said. Was it my fault? Was it my doing? Or just the way I was living? I wanted to scream, to fight, to flee, But I was no longer in my body. A shell that didn't work, A ghost inside my own mind. You took, because you knew you could. But you knew the way I trembled, The response I couldn't give. I live with the memories of all that you could take. The old house still stands, but it's a shell now, A frame of what was, and what can't be, somehow. Within its walls, a small seed of hate was sown, Watered with fear, on fertile ground it was thrown. I watched it grow, a shadow in my mind, Twisting my thoughts, leaving love far behind. A fortress of anger, built stone by stone, To guard a heart that was already alone. I ate to fill the void, a hollow, aching space, A way to silence the ghosts in this lonely place. The adult world is a landscape I don't know, With scars that run deeper than anyone can show. I try to mend what I cannot see, But the echoes of that hate still live in me. Though I'm no longer that scared, small child, The venom of a forgotten, broken life still runs wild." - Ashley
