I will probably regret posting this, but I just need to get it off my chest so there will be a TW for kinda semi detailed medical procedures and mentions of health stuff incas that makes you uncomfortable. anyways uhm onto the vent thing. Its so hard for me to stay positive and not just loose my cool sometimes. It's a flaw of mine. I know Im not as mature as I should be for my age and I know I can act like a Lowkey annoying kid. My autism is such a pain for me. It causes me to have seizures instead of panic attacks and it makes things so hard for me to understand. Its so tiring for me. My mental health already isn't the greatest but my poor immune system said "hey lets put CANCER in the mix." You have no idea how horrifying it is to know that one morning or at any point you can fall asleep and never wake up again. It scares me so much. Sure I've beaten it like once but its already back. To be honest it makes me want to give up fighting this thing and give into my fate. I was honestly so depressed at a point where that almost happened. Thats why I fight and I strive to make sure people do the right thing and to hold people accountable. You can have that chance to see a tomorrow where you can apologize and make up. I don't have that chance guaranteed to me and it makes me so upset to see people throw that away. This site has taught me about how to understand younger people and was a reason I study psychology. I want to help make kids lives better. I want everyone to have access to free mental health care like therapists, psychologists and I want access to diagnoses to become easier and less expensive. This site can also be such a burden though. I have NEVER met people as hurtful and hateful as some kids on here and it hurts not just me but many people. Stealing? harassment? Google documents? what does that really do? if we keep crying about toxicity then aren't we the problem if we don't fix it? What I'm trying to say I guess is that you all should be VERY lucky. Be lucky that you have the opportunities that you do because I've lost a lot of mine. It hurts me a lot when I see people comment on my health in negative ways and I've seen it. Not in a way where "ugh I hate that he has these conditions" but like full mockery and telling me that "well if he can do this then he has to do this" or just being dismissive. I cannot control what I have. I cant control who I am to some extents. I don't ask for your advice or your unwanted opinions on what I should do with my time alive. You're not in my situation, don't speak on it. I also really wish people would stop saying they're sorry for me or "omg good luck!" anytime its mentioned. Its so shallow to me. I hear it everyday from people who care and mostly don't. I know I have it yes I know its bad. I wish that people weren't actually shallow with their support. I don't want people to be sorry for me, I want people to learn. I want people to learn from my condition, my mistakes and my life and make better choices then I have. I've already given my university consent to use my body for their classes and sciences if I pass away or help students learn about the effects of my condition. It just enrages me to see you guys complain about EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE that you can FIX SO EASILY. It makes me honestly envious that you can worry about that and I cant. I have to worry about the serious things while you get to worry about if a artist is referencing too heavily or not. I have to worry about if they're gonna cut me up again or if my platelets will be too low for the surgeries I need. Heck Im even scared to see what happens if I pass away. What will happen to my characters on here? will you all just raid them like prizes to win?? I certainly hope not. I want my characters to be my legacy. I want there to be a snapshot of my legacy.
