uh im not particularly sad just,,,, kind of down ive been thinking a lot about my emotions or my more lack of them i don't know if i've always been this way but in more recent years i've just been really uncomfortable around people who are emotional and ive started to just dissociate from them now i guess and in my last post there were two characters who were me ig and one is so numb and thinks the other is pointless for being so much more of a real person then they are the other is angry, upset, and wants justice for them selves and wants to make everyone else be gone forever and sometimes they feel like they are eachother and in cold blood would hurt others but i looked up why i react this way, and it's emotional numbness i think and it's a defense mechanism to too much emotion? and ive seen a lot of it as im writing maybe it's smth similar to bipolar? but either way, i know that im those two characters who are polar oppposites and neither of them are good for anyone's safety i think sometimes their inbetween is there, and i think that no one really loves me the same way they love others and as hard as i might try, i know i come off as too much and annoying to a lot. tolerable but not preffered and im sure there are some people who love me, but it's too much for me and i,,, am not able to reciprocate those feelings to anyone anyways edit: uhh i think i might end up harming myself tonight? just a lil but this is a notice so maybe talk to me or smth or be aware if im not online tmrw(i will be in the futrue)
