it happened again i thought i had moved past this but i just couldn't stop myself it was everything like i remembered the sudden rush, the calm, the shame that comes afterwards again and again i just couldn't stop it was all just too much my emotions were uncontrollable so i tried to control them and the crazy thing it worked it always has it brings me this undescribable sense of calm a mix of pain and relief, of fear and joy but what do i do know? pretend it didnt happen i cant do that the evidence lies clear as day for people to see i dont want people to worry so i will pretend to be fine as if the emotions that made me do this aren't still there as if they hadn't been building up to this moment so i will cover up my emotions they are fierce at any given moment my feelings will come out in the most surprising ways but i will cover it up
