Because I’m discontinuing the Chair comics, I thought I should at least tell you all what the story was GOING to have been. To recap, at the start of the story, we saw the Chair feeling a bit purposeless, having effectively achieved its life goal so quickly. However, it received a call to adventure in the form of an encrypted letter from a secret society it used to know: the Fogmoori. Despite acting annoyed at their request for its immediate assistance, the Chair was secretly kind of glad it had a new goal to pursue. Knowing the secretive ways of the Fogmoori, the Chair left without telling any of its fellow Crownbreakers. To reach the Fogmoori, the Chair would first have to head to Lobster Town. Time was of the essence, so it decided to swim across Splinter Cove in a straight line. Unfortunately, along the way, the Chair passed the Temple of the Sea and was heard by Eren, who has the [TELEPHONE] core and I assume can, by definition, hear far away sounds. Eren, being stealthy and semiaquatic, quickly swam over and cut off the Chair by surprise, popping its tube with a high-pitched sound blast and attempting to take it prisoner for trespassing on Tide territory. The Chair, now awkwardly bobbing in the water, asked how Eren knew it was there, to which Eren explained his abilities. The Chair then asked, if Eren could hear things from really far away, how did he miss the sneak attack directly behind him. Eren quickly turned around to face the threat, but there was nothing there. He turned back around to find the Chair trying (and failing) to swim away. Eren blasted the Chair with various sound-based attacks, but the Chair just redirected the kinetic energy into the water to propel itself toward the shore (and at a much faster rate than it could’ve otherwise). Eren, realizing the Chair’s just gonna keep doing what it’s doing, called Mela to come and put it to sleep so it can be properly captured. Mela, at the time, was curled up in a blanket eating a comically large bowl of ice cream whilst reading some book that would’ve had a title parodying some romcom (things with them and Specca weren’t going so well). Suddenly, Mela’s head started ringing and vibrating like a phone, as I thought that’d be a funny and fitting way for Eren to communicate with them (again, he’s got the [TELEPHONE] core, so I figured he could both hear and send sounds far away). Mela answers the call, and, though still depressed, agrees to come help. I hadn’t worked out the details of the ensuing fight, but it would basically end with the Chair managing to reach the Lobster Town docks, only for Eren and Mela to cut it off once again. Mela would attempt to put the Chair to sleep by injecting their relax-y venom stuff, but the Chair doesn’t have blood or organs, so it doesn’t work. Mela then tried to use a general “relax” status effect spell, but the Chair revealed that it’s ALWAYS relaxed, so that doesn’t work either. Mela and Eren considered their options, and ultimately decided that capturing the Chair is probably just gonna be a bunch of paperwork anyway, and it’s not worth the hassle. So, they chained him to a steel ball and dropped him in the ocean so they could just go home. The Chair then, after about 12 hours, got fished up by Barry Cuda and Needles, who are part of the notorious gang, the Lobster Mobsters. Barry was a fantastic angler who preferred fishing under the cover of night for…let’s say privacy reasons. If they were to fish up a body their fellow Lobster Mobsters had dumped off the docks earlier, Barry could just turn the corpse into fish, and kill two birds with one stone. Anyway, the Lobster Mobsters had no beef with the Chair, and even took it in and dried it off as it explained the situation it was in. And with that, we’re all caught up to the present. So now I’ll discuss where things would go from there. I’ll also be referring to the Chair as “he” instead of “it” going forward, because even though he’s an inanimate object and the whole “three-leg” theory isn’t true, I keep writing “he” by accident and having to go back and change it to “it” which is annoying. So yeah.
The Chair had begun telling the story of how he ended up at the bottom of the sea in Barry Cuda’s office, but by the time he’s done, we find him casually assisting Barry, Needles, and various other Lobster Mobsters with an early morning smuggling job, just finishing up unloading a boatload of barrels labeled “legal substances :)”. The Mobsters are impressed with the story, as well as the Chair’s ability to carry multiple barrels all by himself. The Chair thanks them, but explains that he has some business to attend to, and can’t stick around. Before he goes, Barry Cuda dubs him an honorary member of the Lobster Mobsters, and sends him off with a pack of grilled (suspicious-looking) fish covered in very tasty (illegal) spice. The Chair isn’t capable of eating, but thanks Barry regardless. He then makes his way to a street along the northeasternmost edge of Lobster Town, and heads to the sixth house in, as was detailed in the letter. The Chair (inexplicably and off-screen) knocks on the door, and I’m honestly not sure where exactly it would go from there. I imagine the inside of the house would have a tunnel to underground Fogmoor, and there we would eventually find the Fogmoori, a secret society that’s deathly afraid of sunlight, and religiously avoids it. I hadn’t worked out the lore exactly, but I figured they would have formerly lived in the sun, like how the Selenium live in the moon, but they left and decided they hated the sun for some reason. Because they hate the sun, they covered their land in perpetual fog, and live mostly underground. The Chair had assisted them with some unspecified conflict before he joined the Crownbreakers, and they now need his help again. The Fogmoori town looks like a wreck, and there’s some big robot thing laying unconscious in a ruined house. The Chair is brought to the Fogmoori elder, a very large pale thing with a long white beard (very much inspired by the elders in Donkey Kong Bananza). The elder is riddled in sunburns, and basically explains to the Chair that the robot from earlier was a guardian of the ancient sun civilization. It had somehow come online, found its way to the Fogmoori town, and began blasting everything with concentrated sunbeams. The Fogmoori barely managed to take it down, but it likely sent out a signal or something, and everyone’s worried more robots may come. They called the Chair because he’s the only person on the outside that knows of the Fogmoori, due to the aforementioned unspecified conflict he helped stop. The elder then asks the Chair if he could remain in Fogmoor and protect them, even offering his daughter’s hand in marriage if the Chair stays. The daughter in question waves to the Chair; she’s very beautiful and visibly down bad for pieces of furniture. The Chair states that he can’t stay, as his purpose lies with the Crownbreakers. And plus, he says he doesn’t want to marry someone he doesn’t have a deep, emotional connection with, which I wanted to pair with a close up frontal shot of the Chair to emphasize his emotionlessness, because irony is funny. The Chair then proclaims that he will instead climb aboard the sun as it rises on the easternmost edge of Pendia and get to the root of the problem, and just in case any robots show up while he’s away, he’ll inform some new friends he’s made in the area to keep an eye out and put a stop to them if they near Fogmoor. The elder, somewhat reluctantly, agrees to this plan, and the Chair embarks on his quest to kill the sun. Alright, so I’ve almost reached the character limit here, so I’ll have to make a part 2.
