(for more chapters, see the studio below) Both Mike and Will had trouble sleeping these days, for a plethora of reasons. They would often talk to keep each other company, and would eventually fall into a weighted silence, neither sure if the other was awake or not as each night progressed. Will had reluctantly taken Mike’s bed after Mike had all but forced him, while he slept on a cocoon of blankets on the floor beside it. Mike’s bedroom looked very similar to when he was five years old. It was more grown up in some aspects, but it still retained that childlike whimsy, showing off his biggest interests. The newest addition, however, was the exquisite painting of their party battling a great red dragon, commissioned by El and painted by Will, hanging on the wall and protected by a large frame. Mike often stared at it when he couldn’t sleep. It felt to him like a guardian, watching over him and calming his fears. With everything going on and El almost never taking a break from her training, he hadn’t gotten around to thanking her for it yet. To be completely honest, he didn’t even know El knew anything about D&D, let alone their individual characters. Though, he supposed, Will probably just filled in his own knowledge after El gave him her ideas. He shrugged it off, too tired to debunk that right now. The two boys sat quietly in the darkness, not speaking for some time. Mike stared in the general direction of the painting, and even though he couldn’t see it through the pitch black, just knowing it was there was enough to quench his fear. Finally, Will broke the silence. “Mike? Are you awake?” He said softly. Mike could just make out a dark silhouette on the bed, hunched over and hugging his knees with the blankets wrapped around him. “Yeah.” Mike replied in the same soft tones. They were both careful to remain as quiet as possible, not wanting to wake anyone in the house. There was another beat of silence, then: “I’m scared.” Mike sighed quietly, “Me too.” “I can still feel him. He’s still hurting, but.. Less now. He’s planning something, and any day now, he’s-” He hadn’t noticed Mike get up until he put a comforting hand on Will’s shoulder. “We’re going to k!ll him this time. Don’t worry.” Will laughed quietly, but there was little humor in it. “I try to tell myself that, but.. I have this feeling, deep in the pit of my stomach, that this isn’t going to work out. What if Vecna finds his way into my head, uses me for his plot? I can’t stop imagining myself doing something horrible.” Will could feel tears searing in the back of his eyes and nose, “What if I hurt somebody? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. And how do I know these feelings are my own fears, or thoughts Vecna planted in my head to foreshadow what’s to come? Nancy said he showed her the rifts opening before it actually happened. What if.. What if this is the same? ” A tear began to fall from his eye and roll slowly down his cheek. Mike, his eyes now adjusted to the darkness, saw it fall. Before he realised what he was doing, his hand reached out to wipe it away, his thumb brushing gently against Will’s cheek. “Hey, it’s gonna be okay. I won’t let anything happen to you.” Will inhaled sharply at the unexpected touch, his heart pounding, in equal parts from his fear and the brush of Mike’s hand on his face. As far as Mike was aware, he did it out of concern for his friend. But he too had a strange increase in his heart rate, and he feared what it might mean. Will was far less oblivious to the feelings he held for his best friend. He had been in love with Mike for as long as he could remember, but Mike was in a relationship. Mike was happy and in love with El. Nothing could happen between them, because Mike isn’t gay. Right? The two stayed like that for some time, just.. Staring. Mike’s hand lingered for longer than it probably should’ve. Eventually, Mike pulled away sharply, breaking eye contact. “We should probably get some sleep-” He chuckled breathily, obviously tinged with embarrassment. “Yeah, you’re- You’re right.” Will said, immediately flooded with guilt. All the homophobic harassment directed at Will over the course of his life has probably given Mike some pause about being friendly with him. Even though he knows Mike would never do anything to hurt him, there was a very good chance that he was uncomfortable showing affection because Will’s twink brain could twist it into something it’s not. This thought process wasn’t healthy, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that Mike was uneasy around him. While they’ve grown closer in some ways; talking more, sharing a room, spending every waking moment together, they’ve also grown apart; Mike seeming to be overly cautious about not touching Will, careful not to do anything that could be warped out of context.
Although, every time Will was stressed or panicked, mainly about Vecna these days, Mike would forget all sense of himself and would always immediately be at his side, comforting him. And every time, he would seem to regret it, pulling away and changing the subject. It made Will hate himself, hate the feelings he had, hate the things he wanted. It made Will wish he could disappear because maybe, if he wasn’t around anymore, Mike could finally have some peace of mind, could finally just focus on his relationship with El and forget about him. Forget about the f*g. Will’s breath shuddered and he forced himself to stop. He didn’t have time to be self-depricating right now, not when there were more important things to worry about. Will curled up, lying on his side with his knees pressed against his chest. It took everything in him not to cry, not to shake, not to make any noise. He was filled with guilt and shame and he wished he could just stop, wished that he could just be normal. His mind continued to berate him, quiet mumblings in the back of his head, until eventually he drifted to sleep. Mike didn’t sleep. All he did was stare at the painting through the darkness, his thoughts heavy and thick. He didn’t sleep much anymore, honestly, with Will in his room. It wasn’t about Will specifically, just that whenever he relaxed around him, Mike lets his guard down way too far and gets way too comfortable. He didn’t understand why. This was a dynamic he didn’t even feel with his own girlfriend. So, he kept his guard up at all times, being cautious around Will. He didn’t want to seem like he- Will was his best friend, that was all there was to it. There weren't any underlying reasons or- /feelings/ to get worked up about. They’ve been friends for more than ten years, it’s completely normal to feel comfortable around him. But was it normal for his entire body to buzz when they touch? Was it normal to grab his face and wipe his tears in the dark without a second thought, to leave your hand lingering there for longer than you should’ve? He recreated the painting in his mind; every brushstroke, every color. 'You’re the heart,' Will told him, pointing to the red heart drawn on Mike’s shield as his coat of arms. Even though he couldn’t see the painting, he spent what feels like hours staring at it. He wasn’t sure what he liked most about it, though; the fact that El commissioned it, or the fact that Will painted it. He sighed heavily, trying to will himself to sleep. Even though his body was exhausted he couldn’t bring himself to relax. Mike wondered if Will ever lied awake like this, if he was awake right now. He had the urge to say Will’s name out into the darkness, to talk to him like they did when they were kids, having sleepovers and trying to keep each other awake. But that was stupid. He was probably fast asleep by now, and even if he wasn’t, why would he /want/ to be kept awake? He watched out the window as the sun climbed lazily up the horizon, early morning light painting his room in bright shades of oranges and pinks and yellows. He resisted the urge to get up and leave any earlier than 6AM; he didn’t need anyone else knowing he hasn’t been sleeping. He wouldn’t be able to explain it if he tried.
