Bug felt at a loss. Things were changing too fast. Bugpaw hated it. He loved Iceclan. He didn’t even dislike Aurora-Quartzstar. He doesn’t dislike her. Bug is just so [removed by moderator] because of everything. She was interesting. That’s Bug’s main way of deciding whether he liked cats. But he definitely couldn’t say he liked her rules. It made things complicated. He didn’t want to fight wars, Bug didn’t want to be forced to do anything. He just wanted things to stay the same. He’d spend hours exploring everyday, and then come back and get some work done. Was that [removed by moderator]? He felt strange at the notion. But maybe it was true. He wanted to go to Falconclan. It’s where Dama is. Why hasn’t Bug told Cloudspire about Dama? Because he wants to know. He wants the answer. He wants to understand first. Bug needs to. He can’t share this. He knows he wouldn’t be able to. Not without… getting unnecessarily emotional. He’s still so [removed by moderator] about it. And he has so little to say. No. Bug can’t tell anyone until he knows why Dama left. But to do that Bug needs to go back. That’s not breaking the rules is it? Just a bit of exploring. Would Bugpaw care if it was. Probably. If not Aurora-Quartzstar, then someone’s else’s. Bug’s always tried to follow rules as much as possible. Bug thinks it’s easier than causing trouble. Bug doesn’t want to cause trouble. Especially not for other cats, but maybe Bug has to. Bug doesn’t care, Bug wants to be [removed by moderator] for once. Why wasn’t there just a right answer? Nothing feels right. Good things didn’t feel right. Bad things don’t feel right. It makes Bug so [removed by moderator]. What did Bug have? Bug wasn’t too close with anyone but Bug’s sister. Maybe a few friends on Mainland. That doesn’t count. Bug had a few rocks Bug gave up when the new laws were put in place. Bug likes flowers. Walruses are Bug’s favorite animal. Bug had nearly finished Bug’s training. Full name. Healing. …. Speaking to Starclan. Bug didn’t even know where to start with that. Bug’s efforts would surely go to waste if Bug caused trouble… But did that really matter? Bug didn’t know. How could Bug know anything? Bug didn’t know anything. Bug is pathetic. Bug had plenty of useless fun facts. Bug had very few real friends. Bug is willing to throw everything away for nothing. Bug surely recognizes this as destructive behavior. Bug has been patient? ..? There was a small clink as Bug flopped Bug’s head down against the ice. The Sky Mirror is so gorgeous this time of day. The Sun lights it up with a thousand colors. All different and uniquely stunning. It made Bug feel a bit better, admittedly. Sigh. Bug really couldn’t find an answer for every problem Bug had in a single hour of brainstorming. It was.. … …… It was frustrating. Bug is frustrated and angry. And upset that Bug feels that way. Bug still doesn’t know what to do. Maybe Bug thinks too harshly when it comes to these matters. Maybe Bug doesn’t have to figure it all out right now. One thing. Fix one thing. Bug has always been incredibly curious about the pronouns other cats use. But Bug had never had real issues with he/him. So Bug ignored the curiosity. But maybe Bug could try. Bug would like that. It sounded fun! What to try… . .. She. … They. She/they? Does that work? Is Bug doing this right? She paused. They were still lying on the ice, and the cold was starting to pierce her pelt. She ruffled herself into a sitting position, wrapping their tail around their paws to warm them. Oh. That was quite nice. A wonderful change of pace. Bugpaw felt vaguely more like themself. Though it was hard to explain how. It’s not that these fit better than he/him, but somehow she felt more complete now. It was nice, reassuring. This would work excellently for now. One thing. Handled. How productive Bug could be when she put their mind to it. Bug stretched as she stood up. They should go gather herbs, see if she can find some reindeer moss, since last they checked the stores were running low. Yes. One problem at a time. Bugpaw could handle this.
Finally just decided to write the srp and send it out. Not entirely proud of it but it needed to happen. Bug is the moderator by the way. Trying their best to deal with emotions by not dealing with them. Bug’s now using she/they pronouns! Bug stills sees herself as cis, but they’re figuring it out. Give her a second.
