holding out. missing and falling. it all happened too fast. way too fast. one moment it was just him, ame, and scamp. training with hawkhollow. exploring the boats with clo. finding dee and ari. being with ripple. it all passed him by. he grew up too quick, yet too slow. he had been happy, alone, greiving, angry, prideful, and broken. he was broken. he was confused. he didn't blame anyone for it. he was just confused. he trusted mal. was he not supposed to? and now he was leader, and he was terrified. did he even want this? he was given nine lives. he saw his mother. she still believed in him. after everything, she did. he walked through thunderclan territory. because he couldn't escape the thought that she hadn't been there. all these moons, he thought he had accepted her death. he hadn't. slowly he found the place. he found the tree. the claw marks were still there, from when he fell. in his mouth held a new flower. he had planted an aria, a daisy, a baby's breath. for this, he would plant a rose. he would plant a rose for rippleballad. for himself. for them together. he sat. "it's been 257 days, ripple." "i've counted every day. every day you haven't been here." "i miss our kits. i miss our walks. i miss you." a small tear fell down his cheek. "i don't know if i'm ready for this." he spoke. "i'm still the cat you knew, deep inside, i am..!" he said, though he knew it wasn't true. "i brought a rose for you, ripple." he cried. "You can take off all the petals, counting 'he loves me, he loves me not' and i swear it will always tell you that i do." "I hid my feelings deep down when you left." "I wasn't a good cat once you were gone." he gently planted the rose. "i'm better." "i'll carry on with my life, i'll lead thunderclan the way i'm supposed to." he didn't know how to pick up the clan and continue, especially after mal's rule. "i'll make sure no cat is alone. that they can always love whoever they want. they'll know that they'll always belong." he sighed. "I think, that after this time, a long time, i'm ready to accept it." he was ready. he was ready to accept that she was gone. because he had to be. rippleballad would always be there for him, and that he knew. "I know you'll watch over me during this new time in my life, and i'll be a good leader for you." "oh ripple, i love you." he said, the first time he had said it after she died. he knew, he knew he was ready. and now, after all this time, a long, long time. he finally had peace.
art by me home by edith whiskers
