so you all are probably going to hate me for this but I need to speak up. honestly I don't know what to say for this...... I guess I just feel alone so many times and, you know Im really lonely where I am right now I have barely any friends and I feel like such a hyprocrite for saying I want to when they say I'm the reason there alive. everything happening in my family is so confusing right now. my sister is going on and off with a guy she really should have nothing to do with, let alone 3 kids with him my oldest sister has really bad mental health (but I already know mine is even more worse bc of everything) and I have 6 little sibling depending on me, 11 in total, don't know if some of them are even alive.... my "mom" is actually my great aunt, and she has enough struggles of her own my gma is said to be on her death bed over and over again, shes in and out of the hospital in a day. there's just so much.... many people are telling me I have potential.... but I really don't feel like it.... and these stupid people at school... what do I have to do for you to like me... to speak at me... TOO LOOK AT ME. Im constantly told everyday I look like this or that, or being called stupid. I'm looked at weirdly by so many people, and I'm tired of being looked at by boys fairly older by me (ifykyk) The problems I have are so bad bc of everything my bio mom did (iykyk) and I know these are personal topics to talk about but I really wanted to say something to the Spop people I know. I know not many of you seem fond of me either. and the one thing I wonder.... WHEN WILL PEOPLE OPEN THER DANG EYES AND SEE THE WORTH IN ME. I GIVE UP SO MUCH IN A DAY JUST TO BE THER FOR 11 SIBLINGS LAWFULLY AND BIOLOGICALLY I DONT KNOW IF HALF OF EM ARE LIVING I DONT KNOW IF THEY EVEN KNOW I EXIST AND IM THE MIDDLE CHILD>>>>>> AND ALL OF MY OLDER SIBLINGS ARE SO CHILDISH>>> I FEEL LIKE IM THE PARENT.... I don't know why I'm putting caps.. I don't know why I am ranting knowing not ,many care or know about me..... I don't know how I'm still here.... I've wanted to so many times but I haven't,, I forced myself to stop, because I keep coming back to my siblings, the friends I actually do have... I keep coming back to myself... and then it goes haywire again. and it honestly feels like a time loop , and all that time, its nothing but mental torture.... And I wish I wasn't like this.... Im not sure if i'll carry on with spop... not many people seem to like my voice I will try my best to keep up though so please note this, although I'm really not mentally stable, I need to carry on with life, and please don't see this project as an excuse bc it really is not.... all I ever wanted was for someone to listen and you guys are listening.... so there's nothing more I could ask for
