Avoiding confrontation trapped me in a life I hate. I'm a nice guy, you know. I'm a really nice, kind, patient person. And not because I'm a good person. It's selfish really. It's selfish of me what I do because I put everybody else's needs before my own. Not again because I'm a good person. It's because it's because I am just trying to get to the end of the day. I have a house made out of popsicle sticks and all I'm trying to do is just get to the end of the day without the house crumbling over in front of my eyeballs. And when you live your life like that, it's like the one of the video games where a character asks you a question and you can pick between two options. One of the options is. whichever option is the least confrontational, whichever option causes the least problems in the moment. That's the option that I pick because I'm just trying to get to the end of the day. And what happens when you live your life like that is you don't realize it in the moment because in the moment you're just thinking, "Oh, whatever." You know, I sometimes when I think about long term, I think, yeah, yeah, maybe this is not the best decision to make long term. But for just today, for just me trying to get to bed with as least problems as possible, this is the right choice. You start making concessions smaller and smaller, almost imperceptible in the moment until one day you wake up in from a trance state and you think, "What the heck happened? How the hell did I end up in this situation? And according to my friends , that makes me a martyr. Well, you know what, If I'm the martyr, then you're the cross I'm nailed to, And I can't say any of this at home because every argument that my friends and I have and we've been having many as of late. Every argument is me just trying to find creative ways of saying something other than I am leaving you and I'm leaving this stupid town. Nobody cares about me. I'm the I am the Last priority in the group And I'll tell you something. One of these days, not tonight, barely. I came pretty close, but not tonight. One of these days that popsicle stick house is crumbling to the floor. The whole damn thing. I just don't know how the heck this happened. How did this happen? years of kicking the can further down the road. I guess that's just how life works, isn't it? You just get eroded. That's all I wanted. That's all. All I wanted was just some peace and quiet. and quiet.
