It had been awhile since Wildfirelament had dreamed. Most nights when sleep did find her, she was so tired that the night passed and the dawn came in a blink of her eye. And that was fine with her. The dreams she did often have…? Weren’t pleasant ones as of late… So when Wildfirelament ‘awoke’ to find herself very much not awake? She was expecting another nightmare. Something to jump out and attack her, some demons from her past to haunt and taunt her… But that was not what awaited Wildfirelament as her vision steadied, as she opened her eye to find herself maskless (strange..) and in a place that she knew all too well. A familiar mountainous forest clearing, one that, try as Wlam might, search the pines and vanishing peaks high and low, could not find it to exist anywhere else other than the hybrid’s mind. Her breath hitched as the fowl stood to her three paws, waves of nostalgia slamming into her. The nights that she spent here, even if just dreams, held so, so much weight in her very soul. The nights spent here with- A rustle in the bracken at the edge of the clearing, leading to deeper glades caught Wlam’s attention, and her breath hitched. “...Epi..?” She called out hesitantly. Was it him..? After all these moons? Would Wildfirelament see those kind turquoise eyes once more? Hear his gentle meow call her firelight? Tears burned in the corner of the hybrid’s remaining eye at the thought, without thinking rushing off into the thickets after what she was certain was him. “Epi?! Epi!” She called again, following after the sound of rustling up ahead, tripping and stumbling over roots and her own paws in growing desperation. “Epi!!” The forest was growing thicker, darker. The canopy was swallowing the starry sky whole, the undergrowth surrounding her like fog. “Dad!” The rustling was getting further away, but Wlam was determined not to lose him. Not again, please not again… “Don’t go…” The shadows grew longer, the darkness blanketing her as the warrior rushed blindly through the dark, though at some point that Wildfirelament did not realize, the undergrowth disappeared, and she was charging madly through a cold, inky black void, calling the seacat’s name till her throat burned and her lungs ached, forcing her to come to a stop. “Please… Don’t go…” She panted, head hung low, standing there as the stark nothingness surrounded her. She breathed heavily, head hung low, standing there as the stark nothingness surrounded her. No sound other than her own unsteady breathing… No one other than herself… And yet- “Who are you talking to?” Wildfirelament blinked, her head snapping up and gaze darting around as a voice reached her. A voice so *scarily* familiar. No. It couldn’t be. And yet, as Wildfirelament’s sights settled before her, there she was. A little hybrid kit, no more than a moon old, with bright orange eyes and bright fire-colored feathers. Fire-Lilykit tilted her head to the side, little face scrunched up in judgement and confusion. “Helloooo? Can you hear meeee?” The kit squeaked, fluttering her downy wings with a pout, but Wildfirelament said nothing, she couldn’t. It was like she was frozen in place as she watched the ghost of her past prance around before her. “Pfft- fine. Be a weirdo then.” Fire-Lilykit said with a harrumph as she plopped down onto her haunches, facing away from her older self. “Firefly tells me not to talk to weirdos anyways.” “...Firefly…” Wlam murmured the name aloud, the mention of her older brother rocking her out of her stupor. She and him were so, so close as kits. Now they rarely even saw one-another… When was the last time she had spoken to her brother…? Flily perked her ears as Wlam spoke the name, her frown instantly evaporating from her face as she stood with a bounce and turned quickly enough that she nearly stumbled over herself. “You know Fireflykit??” Fire-Lilykit gasped in excitement. “Well- duh, of *course* you know him! He’s the bestest big brother *ever*! He always has the funnest games! He thinks my drawings are neat too-!” As the kit rambled on, Wlam felt her eye beginning to sting, vision blurring. The carefree excitement, the innocence. It was truly the version of her from before.. Everything. Before the coldness. The hatred. The anger. The pain. Before bitterness and venom laced her heart, mind and words. Before all that had happened. This was the kit that she once was… …This was the kit that she had killed. “-And he thinks that he’s the prettiest but my feathers are WAY prettier! Flins not though… But that’s okay! Because he’s also my big brother, and all three of us are gonna be the bestest warriors *ever*! Though *I’m* going to be the bestest of the best!” Fire-Lilykit beamed, though her bright smile slowly fell after a moment.
“..Why are you crying?” A ragged inhale escaped Wildfirelament (stars, had she really been crying this whole time?) as she bowed her head again, squeezing her remaining eye shut. “I’m sorry.. I’m so, so sorry…” “..Why?” Wildfirelament gave another shaky exhale at that. Oh, how to explain to her all that she had done? What she had turned Fire-Lilykit into? Stripped away that innocence and turned her into that cruel, hateful feline… “It’s.. Complicated.” Wildfirelament choked after a moment’s pause. “Well that’s helpful, thanks.” Wlam couldn’t help the small chuckle and wavering curve of her lips at that- stars, had she really always been so sharp-tongued? “It’s.. I did something… Bad. Very bad.” “Well, when *I* get into trouble, mama puts me into time-out.” Wildfirelament gave a small wince at that term. It was not referring to Sunsetcourage, that she knew. Fire-Lily didn’t notice, and continued on. “Have you been put into time-out already?” Moons of pushing others away. Exiling herself to that lonely tree hollow. Working herself to the bone, in an attempt to make it all up to her clan… “..I suppose so.” “Then why are you still sorry?” “Because it hasn’t changed anything.” Because deep down, no matter how hard Wildfirelament has tried to prove that she was a changed cat, she felt as if she hadn’t changed at all. She didn’t feel different. She didn’t hate herself any less. “I think I’m just ruined, truthfully.” Wildfire gave a bitter chuckle. Look at her, lamenting her woes to a kit. The very kit that was ruined. “And now you-... I’ll never be who I should have been. What I wanted to be.” “...What *did* you want to be?” “... I don't think I even can remember anymore.” Fire-Lilykit tilted her head to the side, brow furrowed in thought before she spoke again. “...Well, then just be something else, duh.” Wildfirelament blinked as the kit spoke. “That’s not… It’s not as simple as that.” “Why?” “Because it’s not who I’m supposed to be.” “But you *just* said you can’t be that. Silly.” Fire-Lilykit squeaked. “And you can’t even remember either anyways, sooooo, what’s the problem?” Wildfirelament opened her mouth to retort, but was surprised when she found she had none. “...Being something else won’t change what I’ve done.” Wildfirelament settled on that response after a moment. “It won’t make me different from the cat I once was. It won’t erase my mistakes.” “..Hm..” Fire-Lilykit’s face scrunched up in thought, falling silent as she pondered this response, before speaking again. “...Would you do it again?” Another moment of pause fell between the warrior and her younger self. “...Maybe… But not because I want to.” “AHA!” Wildfirelament jumped slightly as Fire-Lilykit bounced to her paws, a triumphant smirk upon her small face. “You’re a lair! You *DO* know what you want! You’re just not saying it!” “What- no, that’s not what I-” “Then what *did* you mean?” When Fire-Lilykit got no response, her smirk only grew. “See? You’re just being all mopey because *whatever* game you were playing ended up bad, and you got put into time out because of it.” Flily insisted as she bounced around the older cat. “Youre allllll sady sad because you keep thinking about what the game *could have been*, you aren’t thinking about what the game *could be now*.” Flily came to a stop in front of Wildfirelament, and the warrior gave something almost like a bitter chuckle. “A game, huh..?” Wildfirelament gave a ‘tch’ noise. “I hurt cats.” “Well that doesn’t sound like a very fun game. Play a new one.” “Trust me, I’m trying.” “No, you’re not.” Fire-Lilykit insisted. “You keep trying to play the last one with new rules, and you’re sad it’s not the same game anymore. You need to make a *new* game, and let go of the old one.” Flily said as-of-matter-of-factly, before looking back up to Wlam. “...You need to let go of me.” Part 2: https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/1267690478/
