I was afraid at first I thought it was wrong it felt like I was going back on a promise I didn’t know how to handle it I felt like a liar could I really do this? maybe this isn’t really how it is maybe it’s just trauma left over from last time I thought I was right I feel like I’ve broken an unspoken rule that I can’t be this way that society won’t let me I know that’s not true but it feels like it is I thought the only way I would be accepted would be to deny the very idea because to be seen I had to hide so it would be known that there was no danger here I felt that the way I was was a requirement for being who I was and that I couldn’t change it no matter how I felt and my feelings are still not tied down but I know what it is that I no longer want and I know what it is that I wish I could have I ran from this for a long time I didn’t want to be what everyone thought I was and I blended in perfectly no one noticing I didn’t fit maybe this will one day change the future is not set in stone I do not know what it will one day hold I’m still not sure if I’m ready to say it somehow it feels harder this time and I don’t know why but sooner or later it’ll come out and I will be known for who I am. It’s taken me a long time to accept myself as lesbian. I was afraid of judgement. I’m still not entirely out to everyone, or even anyone. But I know I’m done hiding myself. It’s time to come out once and for all.
