so. I have this thing. where I hate change. and wish for old times. it sucks and I hate it I can never just be happy bc I look back on my old stuff and go WOW I was so much better than I am now hahhahaa And I was just looking through my old notebook from 2024 the other day and I was like.......... I cant do that. like sure my art has improved but no?? like this is legitimately better?? and wanna know WHY its better?? its better because I was actually confident and believed in myself. I've always had fairly terrible self esteem but it was absolutely destroyed in seventh grade when some boys made fun of my art. I have never really recovered from that and have always been super super self conscious ig. (it has been OVER three years btw) but... in 2024 it got easier. that was a great year for me art-wise and I had so much more confidence in myself- so much so that I even started a fricking comic (mistake) then... 2025 rolled around and everything slowly started going downhill from there. I don't know why. I don't know what happened. but I no longer have any confidence in myself and I just want to go hide whenever I even THINK about showing my art to people. and I hate it so much I just want to be normal again and draw again and not make stupid doodles about fre sha voca do. I want to draw like I was doing in 2024. in 2026 (and 2025 too) most of the art in my notebooks was scratched out or scribbled over because I just couldn't like it no matter how much I wanted to. I WANT to like myself but I just cant and its hard. I stopped showing people art that I was actually proud of because people didnt seem like they cared and I was just brought down further because I didnt feel like anybody cared about my art. 2024 was so easy for me. I just wanna go back. I wanna be confident again. I wanna draw and not care what people think. I wanna make mistakes and not care. I wanna actually share art with people again. but I don't know how anymore :( anyways that that's haha thanks for listening (or not maybe you just scrolled down here) to me vent about silly things lol song is scared of the dark by em beihold if you're curious click for next art
edit: lemme be clear that all the art featured in this except the freshavocado one are from 2024 ^^'
