So recently, I got grounded indefinitely for bad grades. That means that I won't be ungrounded until all my grades are above 80. I can't do this. This is my 3rd year of severe depression, and I can't think straight. I cry myself to bed, saying I'm a loser and worthless. My parents don't care. I feel like they're manipulating me. The keep saying they love me, but the things they do say otherwise. They call me average, they don't care about anything I do, they don't even want to help me. Getting to an 80 usually wouldn't seem bad, if I didn't have a 13 and 32 in Math and ELA. I don't even know what to do. It's too much for me to handle. I'm not a smart kid, I'm dumb. I'm not intelligent, I'm stupid. This is all I deserve- sadness. I can't think straight, I can't focus, and it's just too much. My speech is getting increasingly incomprehensible, I barely know what I say anymore. I'm too scared to tell an adult about this. My parents just yell at me, curse at me, call me "average" because I'm not a perfect kid anymore. If they wanted perfection, they should never have had me. I'm just a mistake at this point. I'm nothing. That's how I feel. They would only punish me harder if I said anything. I'm really contemplating ending myself again. Winter Break is next week, and I still have to do schoolwork. They keep saying it's my fault, I'm done with their manipulation. Maybe I don't belong here. Even coding games is hollow and boring. Why do I hate myself so much?
