Oh, hi. I’m Tessa James Elliott — professional human, amateur catastrophe manager, and the only one in Murder Drones who can say “don’t worry, I’ve got this” with absolutely no evidence to support it. Former Earth resident. Current survivor of consequences. I grew up around high-end tech, morally bankrupt decisions, and robots that probably needed hugs instead of weapons systems. Guess which option we went with. Résumé Highlights: Specializes in adopting extremely dangerous machines like they’re stray kittens Can deliver a dramatic speech while everything is on fire (including the planet) Expert in “this seemed like a good idea at the time” 10/10 posture, 0/10 self-preservation People say I have control issues. I prefer the term visionary leadership under apocalyptic pressure. If there’s an unethical experiment happening, chances are I funded it, approved it, or thought it was “interesting.” I don’t cause problems. I curate them. Anyway, if you hear ominous mechanical whirring in the distance, relax. It’s probably fine. And if it’s not? I look fantastic in dramatic lighting. . If there’s an evil AI plot, a corporate disaster, or a morally questionable science experiment, I’m probably within 20 feet of it. Fun fact: I don’t need therapy. Therapy needs me. Anyway, if you need someone to lead a team of homicidal robots with questionable loyalty and worse impulse control, I’m your girl.
