transitioning | ch. 55

Instructions

tristan pov scratch isn't letting me add text boxes for some reason so the text will be located below for right now v v v I am the worst person to ever exist. It seems I can’t go a single day without doing the stupidest things imaginable. What on earth could I possibly be referring to, you ask? First off, there’s The Incident which I will not be discussing further. And now, my feverish brain deciding to ask Kaden Lieu to hold me like I’m a freaking toddler. Of course. I remember it as clear as day even though I had a high fever at the time. I was sobbing hysterically at god knows what– the only part I remember is the part I am SINCERELY hoping that Kaden has forgotten. I didn’t remember anything at first. When I’d woken up, it was already lunchtime. My temperature had gone down a bit, so Mrs. Woods made me eat some soup. (The cafeteria had attempted to make chicken noodle… Let’s just say it was better than their pizza..) I went back to sleep after that and slept until the end of the day. I think Mrs. Woods has realized my family situation because she didn’t even attempt to ask about calling my parents to pick me up– She did have me call Anya, though. My fever was 101 at that point– uncomfortable, but I no longer felt like I was burning in the depths of hell as I likely will be when I die due to my big fat crush on a person of the same sex– according to some people. Anyway. It wasn’t until Anya picked me up and we were driving home that I realized. She was pulling out of the school parking lot when I suddenly gasped with absolutely necessary and 100% called for amounts of dramaticism when the memory hit me. Anya nearly slammed on the brakes as I slapped a hand over my mouth. “Jesus Christ, Tristan!! What’s wrong?” She asks, pressing a hand to her chest. “I’m so stupid,” are the only words that leave my mouth. Anya gives me a look. “Explain??” She requests. What I said to Kaden earlier replays over and over again in my head. I feel sick. I definitely do not wish for that chicken noodle soup to come back up, but it sure as hell feels like it’s going to. I press my hand tighter over my mouth, hoping deep breaths will ward off the nausea. “Tristan?” Anya asks. “Talk to me, T. You’re scaring me…” “I asked him to hold me,” I say in near-shock, resisting the urge to tug at my hair. “Why the hell would I say that!??” “You what?” “And yesterday…” I mumble, resting my forehead on my palms. This is a disaster. “What happened yesterday?” Anya tries, glancing over at me. I feel dizzy. Is it from the fever, or the stress? Should I just tell her? Anya looks equal parts confused and worried. “Please tell me what’s going on,” she pleads. “I kissed him,” I blurt out, covering my face with my hands. “You WHAT?” Anya nearly yells, clutching the steering wheel a little tighter. “We’re talking about Kaden, here, right?” I nod anxiously. “Actually?? You kissed him??” My head feels really hot. I can’t tell if it’s the fever or the embarrassment this time. Maybe both. “I’m so stupid..” is all I can bring myself to say. “H-how did that even happen??” Anya asks in disbelief. And so as we drive home, I reluctantly relive that whole incident during lunch yesterday. Pure mortification. “Did you two talk about it at all…?” Anya asks. I stay silent, scratching at a scab on my hand. “Tristan…” My sister says. I can hear the disappointment in her voice. “You should do that next time you see him– apologize and ask him how he feels about it..” I make a face at her. “I’d rather eat pepperoni pizza from the school cafeteria for every single meal of every single day for the rest of my life..” I mumble. Anya laughs. I get that, but things will get worse if you don’t talk about it– just imagine how awkward it’s going to be if you don’t clear things up.” I frown. Just the thought of what happened gives me the extremely strong urge to hide away in my closet for the rest of eternity. I wonder what Kaden thinks of me… Oh God. This is a disaster.