"DO NOT DELETE" - short story/ramblings (grief does weird stuff to people) ... A piano in the church. Jenga. Me and them. Happy. Dust and loud things and stars and glowsticks. Camp I think. Me and them Happy. Fear. The sound of branches breaking (no trees). Everything turns upside down. Blue things and purple things. Just me. Afraid. Dancing on a train. There are pictures of us smiling. Me and them. Happy. On a Wednesday. A glance across the room, and then nothing else. It feels like a long time ago. Me and them. Fleeting excitement. A wave hello. Crying. Me and them. Happy but then sad for a long time. The hall on November 12. Unclear. Happy but then sad for a long time. Once again, a glance. They didn't see me. Neutral. I remember now I remember everything now I forgot Get better at writing notes I have solved the treasure hunt but is that really what I wanted? Is this all to reach a certain goal or is it a futile attempt at reclaiming memories that have already left me? I do not want to know. Will I feel better if I get my memories back? How would I even go about that? APRIL SEVENTH. YOU CANNOT CANNOT CANNOT GET SCARED. IT WILL BE UNCOMFORTABLE BUT THINGS WILL BE BETTER IN THE END. What if I mess it up again? YOU HAVE THREE DAYS TO MAKE A DECISION. DO NOT GET SCARED. YOU HAVE ONCE CHANCE. MAYBE NOT EVEN THAT. YOU WILL BE OKAY, WHATEVER THE OUTCOME. What if I ruin it again? I have already waited too long and all my hope is gone. It is too late now. Remember that time when we were happy? No? Now you do. And now you don't. And now you remember the feeling but not the events. And now the events but not why it made you happy. And now you remember it all and it is a horrible and terrible thing. Another year of loneliness. Just me. We saw each other again and it was wonderful. We tied knots in black and purple and white and yellow. Most of the time was spent smiling. I love their laugh and I love to see their smile. They still wear the same glasses. We talked about music and life and taking things apart to put them back together and it was wonderful. I got to say goodbye and watched as they walked away until I couldn't see them anymore. Me and them. Happy.
