Idk if anyone noticed but I'm not as active as I was before. I used to come on daily and chat with ppl, now I don't really do that. Shortly after reaching 100 flwrs I got sick so I had to take a mini break (im not sick anymore) When I got better I got on for a little bit, chatting, inviting ppl to a studio and working on projects. After a day of that I wasn't really active again I think I am going through depression. It's from how the season affected my school, friend issues, work overloads, anxiety, wrestling, dance. I got and still am so overwhelmed. My mom has been trying to make me feel better, my boyfriend, my "friends" like almost everyone who cares about me has. When I walk into my own dorm, I barely want to stay in there. My room is a complete mess since I haven't had the will or motivation to do that, I haven't done laundry and I'm even behind on some assignments. AND I AM NOT NORMALLY LIKE THIS. Im the type of person to make their bed everyday, deep clean and do laundry once a week, finish my assignments early and still have free time. I also forgot to mention my eating habits now. Like I'm not eating food. I havent eating anything all day or a proper meal since yesterday at noon. I think I'm losing my spark deep down and I can't fix it. No one has been able to fix it for these past two weeks. I feel so bad to the people who keep trying to help but it won't work. Before you say maybe you should go see a therapist, I have therapy every other week and I already saw her this week. I told her what is happening and she gave me some advice but it hasn't worked. I don't know how to be me again
Rant abt my friend issues bc I havent told anyone So basically there are four friends and me. Let's call them strawberry, blueberry, and cherry. Strawberry has been my best friend since freshman year (she is literally my roommate) and ive been close with my other friends since that time as well. Recently Ive been noticing a shift in their behavior. When ever we would all hang out, they dont really speak to me, like I'm kind of just there but the other 4 would have a full convo in front of me. In these convos they would just bring up things that I don't like or topics that make me uncomfy. And they know how I feel when they talk about those things. Recently those things are all they would talk about. For example let's say you hated Enhypen and made it clear that you don't like them. Now your friend won't stop talking abt them; bringing them up everywhere, blast their music in front of you, and played their vids in front of you everyday. Thats basically what's happening to me. Like I said they know I don't like it yet they keep doing it specifically in front of me. At this point they are prob doing it to get me upset and it's working. Now thats only the start. The other day I walked in to the room my friends were in crying and all those three did was stare. They didn't try to comfort me; they just stared. Then our other friend comes in, let's call them banana. Banana immediately rushes to my side trying to claim me down, getting me tissues and everything. While banana is doing that, the other three decided to talk about the topics I hate and blast epic the musical which I don't really like either. At that point banana is also upset bc they know I don't like those things and it certainly won't help me feel better. So then banana turns off the music and get them quiet. Only then did they care I was crying. Like now I know those three are fake but the problem is that one of them is literally my roommate, (btw she doesn't treat me like that in priv) so I can't just dump them. Sorry for ranting. Aerie out
