@Silverdawn1: an Explanation

Instructions

Hi/hello/greetings/suilad! Soooo…. As many people probably know, I am/was @Silverdawn1. I was super active, did lots of drawings and MAP parts and DTAs… and then one day, I mysteriously vanished. Well, not wholly mysterious. I did leave a note… Not much of a note though, because I had just gone through something really hard and scary. I was injured and also (unknowingly) mentally incapacitated. Well, I’m here now to explain what I can about the mysterious disappearance of Silverdawn (aka me). I was in an accident, yes. That’s not exactly where it starts for me, though. For the months leading up to the accident, I had gotten really worried about Scratch. I felt like there was always something that I needed to do: Posting art, responding to comments, managing contests, MAPs and DTAs, doing RPs... this was all stuff that I genuinely enjoyed in the beginning, but as time went on, I started really stressing about it. I also had a really hard time saying no to things. I told myself to push through. “After all,” I told myself, “these people deserve this, and they deserve to receive my best work.” So I exhausted myself. Two of my favorite things, drawing and animation become a chore, instead of something I just did for fun. And this was terrible… Not to mention, how bad my sense of time is… I would often lay awake at night wondering if I what I had promised to do in two weeks was actually realistic, or if I had to back out… and if I did, then what would I say? And why was it that everyone else seemed to be doing fine with this, except me? Also, I couldn’t really tell anyone, because my parents had already *very reluctantly* allowed me to join Scratch. If they knew how much stress this was creating in my life, they would have probably made me leave. And I didn’t want to leave! I just didn’t want all the responsibility… So then this crazy car accident came… My parents and I got hit head-on by a d1unk driver, both of us going about 55mph on the highway (that means the collision speed was actually 110mph). Not many people are able to walk out of that. Tbh, it feels like a miracle that we all survived. We were in our brand-new Mercedes Sprinter van, which totally saved our lives (it was completely totaled though). Thank goodness for that brilliant German engineering! /gen <3 (Did you know, Mercedes was actually the company that originally invented airbags?) We were alive, but not unscathed. Concussions… stitches… internal bruising… Yet in the midst of it all, I welcomed the opportunity to take a break from Scratch. I knew I needed it. After a few days, I made a very quick project explaining what happened, and then I signed out. A few weeks later, I tried to go back. I saw all the wonderful, thoughtful comments from all the wonderful, caring people… Thank you all, that meant so much to me <333 I actually cried a lot, and then I realized that I was in no state to be on any sort of social media platform, even one like this. I was just way too fragile. There was too much that might go wrong. It was a crazy and tumultuous time. Eventually, I got the nerve to sign in to my alt accounts. (And yep, I’m still here lol) I’m still recovering from all that has happened (the accident + some other stuff too). I think I have quite a bit of PTSD (dw, I’m going to counseling for this soon) and I get super panicked almost every time another car gets close when driving. I still can’t do all the work/schoolwork that I used to (due to the concussion), although it’s definitely improving with time… so yeah, that’s what’s been going on with me lately. I just really hope I don’t get a whole bunch of Silver fans banging on my door now, saying: “Ok, but can you still join my MAP?” and “Why are you still not active?” and “Are you ever coming back?” The truth is, I’m loving being on here without having all the things I have to do. That’s not to say that will never return. I still love y’all and I have some MAPs that I really want to host!! I just can’t right now. ‘Tis not good timing. (I keep reminding myself about who left for several years, and then came back. You see? It’s is not completely unheard of.) Alright. Well, you all are awesome, and thank you for reading my novel. /jk That’s all I have to say for now… Bye! <3 ~Silver